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Question
Posted by: Woman | 2006/10/27

Celibate

I am a woman, 39yrs, never married, no kids , not in a relationship and 12 yrs working exp. Being celibate since 1992. I sometimes feel angry at my situation, thinking I am selfish or something.

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Our expert says:
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I agree with paula, especially ; you're not being selfish, except towards yourself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Foxybrown | 2006/10/30

Then maybe you are just meant to be celibate. I know of very few women who would have lasted as long as you have. If you feel you can live with it and don’t want the effort that goes into sustaining a relationship, it could be for you.

Regardless of how much sex other ppl out there are having, if you feel you would be overextending yourself trying to get something going then you are free to live as a celibate and in any case it is ofcourse your right to exercise celibacy if you so desire



All the best

Reply to Foxybrown
Posted by: Woman | 2006/10/30

Thank you all for your inputs. I have given up. I am now focused on my work , then go for retirement.

I have joined a marathon club in 1992 to the present, being in the Excecutive Committee as the Club Captain for two terms in a row. I started running the 10km, then improved to the 21.1 km to the present.

I also go to church on a regular base. I guess , that is my social life that I put effort on.

I lost my virginity in 1986. Then no sex and no relationship up until 1992. Then in 1992, I had a relationship, then sex. Then that was the end of a relationship to the present.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: slr | 2006/10/30

who said she needs a new look and wants a husband and kids....not all women want that! I am happy on my own but do appreciate some nookie from cute men quite often.

she strikes me as being worried about not having sex....she did not mention getting married and babies etc....the post is titled CELIBATE

or do you guys still think you can only have sex when married??!!

Reply to slr
Posted by: Momof3 | 2006/10/28

Wow foxybrown.that was really great advise.celibate -not form choice i hope this helps.Get yourself a new look ,even if its to get your confidence back.You could go onto adating site and put up aprofile for someone of the age that you like and looks and take it slow.never give out your no.Go for penpals first and take it from there.try love2knowu

Reply to Momof3
Posted by: Foxybrown | 2006/10/28

Celibacy must always be looked at from two POVs - voluntary and involuntary. I am also celibate but voluntarily so. Yours is a classic case of involuntary celibacy. I am quite sure the situation is not easy - involuntary celibacy is one thing at age 24 and quite another at age 39.

You shd rem a couple of things though. People, as mentioned above, settle down far later these days. Even if you are a woman, to be married only in your forties is not a freak incident. Neither is having a baby that late. Remove the focus from finding a man and having babies, to getting out more. Look at the smaller picture, which is enlarging your social circle. Concentrating on the smaller picture makes the bigger picture form itself.

So look at getting out more. What is your social life like, what effort do you put into it? You need to start appreciating that anything worth having in life is firstly worth waiting for and secondly worth putting effort into. So your social life needs effort.

It is too easy to sit at home feeling lonely and forgotten. You have no husband, boyfriend or children so this means you are in the fortunate position of having oodles of time on your hands. You can take cooking lessons and Latin dance lessons many of us cannot. You can on a whim decide you want to go to New York within the next 7 months and save accordingly. You can get on the blue train next weekend, try your hand at fishing, attend a jazz event somewhere, go for a makeover, and start bellydancing lessons, get involved in giving to the community i.e. visiting orphans.

You have the kind of time millions of people do not have because you do not have to consult anybody or move anyone's schedule around to accommodate yours. Use this time to your fullest advantage. The more you fill your social life with interesting and different things to do, the more people you will get to know, the more your chances of meeting someone, the sooner your loneliness period will be over.
Start off improving your visibility - no one is going to date you if you are sitting at home. Spruce yourself up and go out there feeling confident about life and yourself. Your air of self-contentment will draw people to you like a magnet. But if you go out there determinedly husband-hunting, a lot of men can pick up on this and will be put off. Enjoy life, and you will attract enjoyment to you.

You just need to build a happier life for yourself. Any man worth his salt will be drawn to a woman living life happily. What men are put off by is a woman waiting for someone to come along and make her happy.

You strike me as a woman who needs a rounded sort of relationship. Hence I don’t advise you just go out there and get some action. You will end up feeling used. To go from being celibate to feeling used is very painful. Rather wade in at your own pace. Sex is not going anywhere. However long it takes you to get naked in front of someone, sex will be right there waiting. It hasn't gone anywhere since you last experienced it in 1992.


You keep well

Reply to Foxybrown
Posted by: Tom | 2006/10/28

Anonymous, she said she has been celebrate since 1992, she never said anything about being a virgin.

Reply to Tom
Posted by: Anonymous | 2006/10/27

A generation ago, you were on the shelf when you were single at the age of 25. However, people get married later in life these days. Don't worry about that; I got married at the age of 34, and my son was born two years later. it is no shame to be single at 39, and I am proud of you for being a virgin. If I were still single, you'd be just the kind of woman I would be looking for.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Tom | 2006/10/27

You don't need anyone else to satisfy yourself, todays woman you can buy toys, vibrators, etc. and give yourself pleasure.

If you feel selfish to the extent that you cannot share your life or self with anyone else, thats ok, if its not worrying you, who cares what others think.

You may feel that your life is flying past and you may have missed out on a husband, family, etc. Babes, its not too late.
Why not go get a makeover, change your yourself your life completely and take a chance, take a risk. There is a lid for every pot and I am sure you will find someone, if you are looking.

Reply to Tom
Posted by: P2 | 2006/10/27

it is unnatural for human being to live without sex...why do u thngk the catholic priests end up raping little boys? its becasue thye ant take it anymore....but for you its not a religous thing, so u can alaways chnge ur mind....i say go get a great -|- and i promise u u will feel a whole lot better...

Reply to P2
Posted by: slr | 2006/10/27

i am 42 and also childless, never been married, but sex to me is mighty important!!

go and get some, woman!! you are missing out big time!!!

Reply to slr
Posted by: Jenny | 2006/10/27

I'd also be quite angry if I hadnt had sex in 14 years

Reply to Jenny
Posted by: paula | 2006/10/27

being celibate is your choice so if you are comfortable with that then who cares, not to sure why you are angry is it cos you have been celebate for so long and now maybe you want to change - and why are you selfish do you think you are depriving the male species of yourself - cos in that case dont worry there are plenty of fish in the sea

Reply to paula
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/10/27

Why are you angry Woman, and why do you feel selfish?

Reply to Buzz

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