Posted by: REF | 2012/11/08

Caught between two men and not sure who to go with

I am 37 year old woman dating a 39 year old man who is so loving and caring.We share a lot in common.He is open and communicate everything with me and he is ready to settle down with me.And i love him however my love to him overpowers by the love that i have for my ex.Its hard to get over my ex.

The problem is i used to date a 42 year old man who was cheating on me and i deceded to end the relationship after i found women underwear in his house.And since from the day i left him he has never stopped contacting me.I asked him on several occaisons to stop and i sometimes be rude and mean to him and he seem not to be ready to stop as he says he still wants me and he want us to get married.I asked him to go for HIV test he did it and he wants us to be engage and move in together.While my current boyfriend is also showing me houses he wants to buy so that we get married and move into the house together.
My problem is im two sided i dont know if i should go back to my ex or continue with my current boyfriend.Please advise me im confused

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why after leaving the sleazy guy with the woman's underwear in his house ( are you sure he didn't perhaps wear it himself ? ) why did you continue to remain in contact with him ? As the French saying goes, "A door should be either open or shut" - leaving while not really leaving is never useful and always uncomfortable. Isn't your Ex supposed to be Ex ?
Settng aside the attractions of each man, you don't seem to have decided what you want - a relationship with a man who you were convinced had been cheating on you and apparently gave no good innocent explanation for the underwear ( has he perhaps started doing laundry for ladies in the neighbourhood ? ; or a relationship with a man who sounds sincee and loving.
As Linday saus, maybe uyou just enjoy the attention he now gives you, and/or feeling like a much desired woman having two men wanting her ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sandro | 2012/11/18

As a long time agent of change in the Healthcare space, I have seen the under utitlzaiion of technology. It is not bleeding edge'' technology that causes me concern but the more mature ones that have been poorly driven and implemented. Much of this can be attributed to the Change Management plan. We fail to fully vet pilot sites, we jam data and processing into the pipe without taking avantage of future implementations, we include the directly affected stakeholders long after implementation starts and we don''t analyze the impact on systems and layered products needed for success. The resourcing and utitlzaiion of analysts, technical tactitions and workflow specialtists is arduous and expensive (and often considered unnecessary). However, the reengineering of applications and lost hours due to disruption at the user end needs to be added to the cost algorithm. After all even a medium sized system implementation failure creates grief for anyone else trying to affect change in the same user environment.

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Posted by: Same here | 2012/11/09

Same here, girl. I am 37 and mine its worse I am married to a 39 yrs old man. But what I feel for my ex is more and we share a lot in common. I had serious problems with hubby and ended up going to the ex. Guess what, only to find that my hubby was following me, it went on until I slept over and he came there with the police and they found us. I went back to my mom’ s house and my affair with ex got serious and hubby was saying its over we must divorce. After a while he said we must reconcile which we did and we now go for marriage counselling, I am back at my house. He forgive me because he was never there when I needed him, never home and that drove me to cheat “ which is was not a good thing to do” . Since then we are fine but I still talk to my ex. I told him its over, he is so hurt, he also had intensions for us to settle, he is in need to settle down since his wife passed on. It’ s not easy cause hubby and I we have lots of different interests.

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Posted by: Respectable | 2012/11/08

Seriously? You really want to go back into the past? Your Ex is the past. Your current boyfriend is the future. It''s Like you saying you don''t want to move on, and progress in life. A relationshiP is like a journey. You learn something about that person, about yourself and most importantaly what you want in life. It''s sorts of gives you a direction. and you both need to be on the same path. If the other one does not wants to be tagged along. Let them be. And just move on. Now your ex cheated on you once. What makes you think he won''t do it over again? Like someone said, promises are like babies. Easy tO make harder to maintain/ keep.

Reply to Respectable
Posted by: R | 2012/11/08

Stay with the current one

Reply to R
Posted by: Jenna | 2012/11/08

Ok, so you are having a hard time choosing between a man who is loving and caring, and a man who CHEATED on you and does not respect your wishes (to stop contacting you).

Why don''t you just block him (it''s a simple setting on your phone, then you won''t get calls or SMS''s from him)? Or change your number? Do you secretly hope he WON''T stop contacting you?

I do hope you make a choice soon, the first guy sounds really nice and (to me) it''s like it shouldn''t even be a question on who to choose.

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Oh my!!! | 2012/11/08

Do you really wanna confuse yourself about that person (your ex)who disrepected your ralationship?

Reply to Oh my!!!
Posted by: linday | 2012/11/08


why do you wana confuse yourself with such a mess, the ex has done wrong, i know no one is perfect but he hurt you but yet you still wana go back, maybe you dont love him as much as you think, it may be just that he still gives you so much attention even if you asked him to stay away, so somehow that makes you feel like he cant live without you,

you have a new good man in your life why dont you explore that, you dont have to marry him right away in case your love for him is not deep, but if you want your ex- back, dont string along the new man, set him free.

But i think deep down you know the answer.

best wishes my lady

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