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Question
Posted by: never achieving | 2003/03/17

cant seem to reap bennifits

HI doc!
i am a teenager of 17. i am very depressed and i have finally worked out why, i think. I am a virgo, and i am a perfectionist. I set my goals high and am very self motivated, but i am not reaping the rewards in terms of sports and school work. i am a very hard worker and terribly critical of myself, in all spheres, physically, mentally and spirityally. Every time i dont achieve my goals, i get even more depressed and i am starting to think if life is worth living......CAUSE I NEVER SEEM TO BE GOOD ENOUGH AT ANYTHING. I get 75 average at school, but want to do better, as i say its almost like nothing is ever good enough and i am worthless, please give me some advice...anything to improve my situation
thanks,

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

r na,
Perfectionist, yes, it sounds like that, but maybe too unforgiving with it. To set high goals is admirable ; to conclude that like may not be worth living if you fail to meet all those high goals, is not. We navigate by using the stars to guide us, and don't give up the journey because we haven't yet reached those stars.
You work hard --- excelent. You manage a 75 average, but are not satisfied ? You are a prisoner of your own rules and habits of thought. IF you insist that nothing you do will ever be good enough, then even your Nobel Prize and Oscar will seem worthless. If you fail to see value in doing everything and anything as well as you can, rather than assessing all actions according to some arbitrary and impossibly high standard, you will become demotivated. Concentrate on recognizing and celebrating everything that IS good in your achievements, and allow yourself to note just a few points in which the achievement could, next time, be even a bit better.
And school is only important as a route to work / university / college, or whatever else lies ahead for you. As the challenges become more significant, it becomes more worthwhile to strive to achieve success in meeting them. 75 in schoolwork is surely more than enough to enable you to get through to more important things.

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