Posted by: Tantouna | 2007/06/13

Cant forget him

I am a 37 year old woman. I recently had a very passionate love affair with a guy 8 years younger than me. We had an agreement that we would not develop romantic feelings, but alas I did. We recently broke up beacuse he started avoiding me, insulting me whenever we met (mostly because he thinks I am seeing other guys). There is still a very strong physical attraction between us. We had a huge argument and since then we have been avoiding each other. I have been feeling terrible the last few days. I cry for no reason and I can barely focus at work. I cant seem to get him out of my mind. I have to stop myself calling him. We did not have a real relationship, he lied to me, treated me badly, insulted me etc...but yet I cant stop thinking about him. I feel lonely and despondent and have lost interest in everything. I have been through a divorce before and I was not this bad. Why is this different?

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Our expert says:
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The trouble is, you cannot make binding intellectual agreements or promises about emotional matters. With the best intentions, you can't prevent yourself from becoming emotionally attached. And his jealousy reveals how he feels, unreasonably --- such feelings are not about reason. From your descripion of how badly he treated you, this is a relationship you are probably well rid of. In regard to your prior divorce, you probably had longer to come to terms with the end of that relationship, and this time it happened more suddenly. Maybe a counsellor could help you get this all into perspective more efficiently ?

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