Posted by: FRUSTRATED!! | 2004/10/15


Hi!! i was wondering if the older you get the better your chances are of getting an internal orgasm?? Im in my 20's and i can come easily - that is to say, clitorally. but no matter what little things myself and my bf try i just cant come internally. we tried different positions, and k-y jelly made me feel more sensation, but still - nothing! Im so frustrated and my bf keeps thinking that its his fault and cant understand it as his previous gf came just about everytime (the bitch!!! Nah, only joking - good for her!!) so, please, somebody help me, i need advice!!! P.S How long on average does it take??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Enough stimulation of or around the clitoris and (for some women) pressure on the cervix or other sensitive areas cause pelvic fullness and body tension to build up to a peak. Orgasm is the point at which all the tension is suddenly released in a series of involuntary and pleasurable muscular contractions that may be felt in the vagina, uterus, and/or rectum. (Note that some women do experience orgasms without contractions.)

The difference between a "clitoral" and a "vaginal" orgasm is where you are being stimulated to achieve orgasm, not where you feel the orgasm. That may clear up some of the confusion around your questions. The clitoris has a central role in elevating feelings of sexual tension. During sexual excitement, the clitoris swells and changes position. The blood vessels through the whole pelvic area also swell, causing engorgement and creating a feeling of fullness and sexual sensitivity. Your inner vaginal lips swell and change shape. Your vagina balloons upward, and your uterus shifts position.

You or your partner can stimulate your clitoris in a number of different ways — by rubbing, sucking, body pressure, using a vibrator. Although some women touch the glans of the clitoris to become aroused, for others it can be so sensitive that direct touching hurts, even with lubrication. Also, focusing directly on the clitoris for a long time may cause the pleasurable sensations to disappear. Your clitoris can also be stimulated during sexual intercourse, most often with the woman on top — this happens when the clitoris is rubbed against the man's pubic bone. It can also be achieved when the man is on top if the man positions himself high enough so that his pubic bone presses against his partner's clitoral area. You or your partner can also stimulate your clitoris with fingers during intercourse to help bring you to orgasm.

For some women, the outer third of their vagina is also very sensitive. When stimulated during intercourse or other vaginal penetration, these women can orgasm. This would be what you referred to as a vaginal orgasm — without clitoral stimulation. Sigmund Freud made a pronouncement that the "mature" woman has orgasms only when her vagina, but not her clitoris, is stimulated. This, of course, made the man's penis central to a woman's sexual satisfaction. In reality, orgasms are a very individualistic thing — there is no one correct pattern of sexual response. Whatever works, feels good, and makes you feel more alive and connected with your partner are what count.

Lastly, maybe his previous girlfreind was a great actress - get her out of your mind and out of your bedroom.

Dr Elna McIntosh

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2004/10/17

No mystery; I disagree with you, while it is true that for most women (myself included) clitoral stimulation is wonderful and leads to orgasm, in my case (and I am sure many others as well) if my G - spot (which does sit in the outer third of my vagina as EMc suggests), gets stroked manually or stimulated by my boyfriends penis when my legs are raised over his shoulders or in doggy style, and also when his penis goes Deep inside me, he touched another very sensitive area which gives me an earth-shuddering orgasm which is different to clitoral orgasm, and I don't know what my name is for a while there after, nevermind being able to spell it.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: no mystery | 2004/10/16

forget all that stuff you read and heard about REAL women being able to come only by means of good penetration. Penetration is just a fabulous plus. Women's orgasms come from stimulation of the clitoris - it's as simple as that. No woman likes to say that as we've been educated (like our mothers) to believe that the road to heaven is paved with penises - they're actually incidental to womens orgasms. If your partner stimulates your clitoris enough, you will come - before, during, or after penetration. If you're really lucky, all three. Worry not, little birds.

Reply to no mystery
Posted by: mik | 2004/10/16

u relaxed honey, concentrate and focus on yourself! be selfish. hopefully u do find bf attractive!

Reply to mik
Posted by: JM | 2004/10/15

It can take quite awhile.. just be patient and keep on trying..

Reply to JM
Posted by: hunny | 2004/10/15

I feel you, your pain

Reply to hunny

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