Posted by: nikita | 2004/11/12

cant anymore

please help,i am married 5years,we have a 2 year old .
he works ,i am job searching .we are really struggling financially,i feel like im useless,i havent been able to find a job in 1.5 years(im not qualified for any thing)i feel so guilty for even wanting my hair cut,we cant even afford groceries anymore,we have arrears accounts they all want to hand us over for legal action.i cry when nobody is home -one minute im fine -the next im so sad i cant bear it!!ita tearing me up ! i feel like i have no independants,i want to be able to feel like a lady-with confidence,but i tell myself dont even bother trying,im not and cant be like my other friends
we argue over the stupidist things lately--mostly because im snappy or i say he has an attitude,i love my family ,i dont want to feel like this anymore,please help me to stop crying myself to sleep,i just cant anymore!!
is this normal to feel so overwhelmed bye life?i cant even imagine that one day things will be better---i cant afford to see some-one ,what can i do????

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Our expert says:
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nikita, don't be so hard on yourself --- you're far from the only good person who's been trying for years to find a job, without success so far. We don't measure the quality of a person by success, but by their bravery and persistence. HS makes some useful suggestions. Do you have family who could help and support ? And ANY job, to start with, will help financially and boost your confidence and competence.
Val, what helpful suggestions could you make here ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/15

Hi Nikita,

Very good responses from all above. May I aslo suggest that you write down all your accounts. Doing it allows you to see how much you are actually in debt. Don't let this get you down though, as this exercise will allow you to see how you can reduce your debt in the best way possible. Some may say reduce the biggest first, while others may say concentrate on the smaller one's first. Look at them & see which are your best options but make a real effort to stick by your action plan.
There is also the Financial Psychology forum where you may be able to get more direct responses.

Hang in there Nikita, I'm a firm believer that one should always hang on to the thought that it does get better, coz sometimes it is only that thought that we have that drives us forward.

As to your snappiness etc. with the hubby, yes, it does come with the frustrations you have right now. Just try accept it as a result of your helpless feeling right now, know that you are allowed to feel this way, but make an effort to not be too hard on those who love you. They are most probably having the exact same feeling of despair as you are going thru. Discuss it, make a combined decision for a way forward. This in itself allows you to share your burden. Working on it together as a couple has the positive effect of bringing you guys closer together.

Hang in Nikita, come back & discuss any concerns you have, but also make a real effort to take action.


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Nita | 2004/11/12

I agree with HS, do any small job to get some money in, build you way up with skills then.

Try supermarket/ clothing store chains too, if you anything like me and not into the waitressing thing, they pay a pretty ok hourly rate at least.

Reply to Nita
Posted by: Rachel | 2004/11/12

You goint to have to make payments plans and speak to your bank. There is no point crying over this because its not going to solve anything really. Be strong and try think positive. Being in debt is rough but life could be worse.

Like HS said, try and think of a way to get two jobs.

You will be fine.

Reply to Rachel
Posted by: HS | 2004/11/12

Your situation does sound dire.
I think if I were in your shoes, I would try to do whatever I can. And maybe look at waitressing or something like that in the meantime just to get some money in at least. And then set up some plans to do a typing or bookeeping course or soemthing and maybe take advantage of 'home jobs' like typing for people / bookeeping. Just work your way up the skills ladder. Because once you get some capital going you can then start making bigger plans to study diploma's etc. This would certainly improve your marketablity as an employee.
Now, just make small plans - one by one - and this will lead to bigger, better plans. And it will take time, it will take dertemination, so don't give up. Don't ever give up.
I really wish you everything of the best - and if I win the lottery I'll look you up and give you a 'kick start' on your way. I really wish.
Anyhow, chin up, wrtie down some small ideas and get started.
Look to a better future that you create yourself.
Hope this helps, precious one.

Reply to HS

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