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Question
Posted by: ... | 2004/11/17

Can't take it anymore

Hi

I just can't take it anymore, my parents are staying with me and my hubby because of financial difficulty on their side, they have been staying with us for 8 months now, and frankly I really think it is time for them to move out on their own again.

I don't feel like it's my house anymore, they have the majority of the house for themselves, my dad and mom has got their own studies and their room and all of our outbuildings is full of their stuff. I on the other had have only my room and our (my husband and I) study get used by my mom for ironing and stuff.

I pregnant and don't know if I can handle the extra pressure on y relationship with my hubby anymore,

I have a sister and asked her if we couldn't maybe just share them, a few (3 months) with me and 3 with them, she almost bit my head off.

Please I just need to know, am I unreasonable or what?

Thank you for listening,

...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

..., this sounds like an unreasonable arrangement, especially in the longer term. You're not being unreasonable here. The situation cannot be unending, as it'd be much easier to cope with if it had an end-point. It's nonsense for each of them to have a study to themselves ( what on earth do they study so intensively ?) while you and your husband share just one --- and who on earth must she do her ironing in your room, and not her own ? And with you being pregnant, too, tis is especially unfair --- it'd time that they thought of your needs. And when the baby comes, where is he/she supposed to go ?
Maybe your sister reacted in the way she did, because, having seen how they have inveded your space, she's scared to share that burden, even though it's equally her duty as yours. You've made a very reasonable suggestion. Why not sit down calmly and discuss this with your parents, both about the sharing arrangement, and about how they could be much less of a burden to you while with you, and less of a D-Day invasion force, and more like pleasant guests ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

Yes its a terrible situation, you cant throw them out cos they looked after you for so many years when you were small... but you HAVE to talk to them and set some house rules. Take back your house, and leave them their room, and maybe one study. (Sounds like you have more than one....) If you cant do it seeing that its your parents, get your hubby to talk to them.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: ... | 2004/11/17

I know I shouldn;t let this interfere with my happiness, but how do you kick your parents out, how do you tell them they should go elsewhere, if they do not have anywhere else to go, as I said, my sister won't have them living with her even for a day, and doesn't even help out financially, it's as if I'm all alone, my brother struggles to keep his own head above water, so I can't expect anything from his side.

The out buildings aren't in any state to have anybody living in them.

Storage also costs money...

Life justs seems unfair at the moment

...

Reply to ...
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

Would drive me totally dilly!! Put their stuff into storage and move your parents into the outbuildings.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/17

you are not unreasonable... it's too much to be putting people up for such a long time... even if they are your parents. has there been any talk of them finding a place? with the baby coming, you need to get your home sorted out so that you can bring that child home to a pleasant environment. good idea if your sister agrees to share your parents. if that fails, then speak to your parents about moving out. once a child gets married, they make their own life... parents have done their duty and must respect the child's new family.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/17

My deepest sympathy. You're kinda between a rock and a hard place here...

My advice: Give them a deadline for getting their lives sorted out. After that, if they're still living with you, kick them out. You deserve a life with your husband and baby. Not lots of baggage making it virtually impossible to be happy in your own house.

Good luck and I hope you sort things out.

Reply to lulu

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