Our expert says:
What you describe is not all that uncommon. Firstly there is no medication for what you describe. You have learned how to masturbate yourself to orgasm over time, in conditions where you were relaxed, you were able to feel what type of touch your body was responding to, what focus of stimulation, intensity of stimulation would bring you to orgasm. There is also no anxiety concerning performance when you are masturbating.
When you are with your husband there are a number of factors that play a role; what men know about women's bodies sexually, such as stimulation of the clitoris as a primary trigger for orgasm, is a problem, your husband cannot feel your sensations so he cannot know what kind of touch in focus and intensity works better, as a women you may have developed anxiety about needing to orgasm with your husband resulting in a state we call performance anxiety, a state that actually has the effect of reducing the chances of orgasm.
We often suggest that couples take turns to watch each other masturbate. It can be a fun and sexy activity while at the same time your partner can see how and where you touch yourself and stimulate yourself as you increase your levels of sensation and how you change your stimulation as you bring yourself to the point of orgasm. A partner can learn alot from this.
We often stuggle to communicate sexually. We have this magical idea that sex is "natural" and somehow we are just supposed to know what to do. This is not true. Having good sex takes learning, trial and error, more learning and so we get better skilled at sexually pleasing our partner. So another tip would be to give your partner verbal cues as he stimulates you so that you get the stimulation you need to achieve orgasm.
It is also important to know that most woman most of the time do not acheive orgasm during penetrative sex without additional clitoral stimulation because in most sexual positions there are not enough direct stimulation of the clitoris, which is the primary trigger for orgasm for women.
So if you wish to have an orgasm during penetrative sex, depending on the sexual position, either the woman needs to reach down and stimulate her clitoris, or if the man can reach, he can add clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex and thrusting, which will increase the chances or reaching orgasm during this sexual activity.
Many woman experience very good orgasms when their partners orally or manually stimulate their vagina, with sufficient focus on the clitoris.
It is important to overcome having much anxiety about having the orgasm.
A sex therapist would also be able to support you and your husband in a process to overcome this obstacle
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