Posted by: Nana | 2009/02/04

Can' t reach there with hubby

I am 30 ,I have never had orgasm with my husband ,I love him and i am comfortable with him ,i do enjoy the whole process but to reach there is very difficult,He is patient and he takes his time ,but when i musturbate i do reach orgasm all the time.
I really wish i can experience that with my man ,what is it that i am not doing right ? please give advise or prescribe medications if possible ,I just want to experience it with him just once.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Nana,

What you describe is not all that uncommon. Firstly there is no medication for what you describe. You have learned how to masturbate yourself to orgasm over time, in conditions where you were relaxed, you were able to feel what type of touch your body was responding to, what focus of stimulation, intensity of stimulation would bring you to orgasm. There is also no anxiety concerning performance when you are masturbating.

When you are with your husband there are a number of factors that play a role; what men know about women's bodies sexually, such as stimulation of the clitoris as a primary trigger for orgasm, is a problem, your husband cannot feel your sensations so he cannot know what kind of touch in focus and intensity works better, as a women you may have developed anxiety about needing to orgasm with your husband resulting in a state we call performance anxiety, a state that actually has the effect of reducing the chances of orgasm.

We often suggest that couples take turns to watch each other masturbate. It can be a fun and sexy activity while at the same time your partner can see how and where you touch yourself and stimulate yourself as you increase your levels of sensation and how you change your stimulation as you bring yourself to the point of orgasm. A partner can learn alot from this.

We often stuggle to communicate sexually. We have this magical idea that sex is "natural" and somehow we are just supposed to know what to do. This is not true. Having good sex takes learning, trial and error, more learning and so we get better skilled at sexually pleasing our partner. So another tip would be to give your partner verbal cues as he stimulates you so that you get the stimulation you need to achieve orgasm.

It is also important to know that most woman most of the time do not acheive orgasm during penetrative sex without additional clitoral stimulation because in most sexual positions there are not enough direct stimulation of the clitoris, which is the primary trigger for orgasm for women.

So if you wish to have an orgasm during penetrative sex, depending on the sexual position, either the woman needs to reach down and stimulate her clitoris, or if the man can reach, he can add clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex and thrusting, which will increase the chances or reaching orgasm during this sexual activity.

Many woman experience very good orgasms when their partners orally or manually stimulate their vagina, with sufficient focus on the clitoris.

It is important to overcome having much anxiety about having the orgasm.

A sex therapist would also be able to support you and your husband in a process to overcome this obstacle

Good luck!

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: code45 | 2009/02/09

Maybe the problem is that you are not as confortable as you think and the best exercise is to speak about it and then try to have sex with your mind into it , your problem might that you are enganging into sex with your mind out of the bedroom , word of advise remember , his your friend and your partner feel free with arround before making love !!!

Reply to code45
Posted by: ben | 2009/02/05

detemine what your are doing right to reach orgasm and ask him to do the same or try different positions.are you mustrubating in front of him or when he is not around?Maybee you are not as comfortable with him as you think you are?

Reply to ben
Posted by: ABC | 2009/02/04

Teach him

Reply to ABC

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