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Posted by: Jelly | 2005/07/13

Can't let go

Hi Guys and Gals,

I still can't let go. I dated a guy for about a year and we were really close. (His mother always told me that I was too good for him and that i deserved better.) (I still call his family for Xmas and Birthdays as we were all close) Then October 4 years ago he decided he wanted to move to Holland, He asked me to go with him. I said that I couldn't as I had my daughter to think about. He said that I should bring her with. I still replied no as I would have no job no place to live etc...... and he was going to find a part time job. A month later he left the country. It has been over 4 and a half years and I still can't let go. I miss him terribly. He tried to make me hate him before he left, thinking that it would be easier but he stopped and told me he couldn't becaused he loved me too much to hurt me. He left the country because his Ex-Wife wouldn't stop harassing him.

I know most of you will wonder why I can't let go as I make him out to be a jerk. He was never a jerk to me he was actually wonderfull. If he came back today and asked me to date him, I wouldn't even hesitate to say yes. I would marry him tomorrow if he wanted me to. How do i get over these feelings?

I need to move on. If we had broken up before he left I wouldn't feel like this. Now I can't even talk to him to get some closure.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry, but this sounds more like an obsession than a love. An it may have prevented you from loving anyone else, and potentially forming even more appy relationships. See a counsellor.
However, if you're determined to find him and at least consider resuming the relationship ( assuming he's not already maried ) let's hope that works out for you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sunshine | 2005/07/14

Keep us updated!!

Sunshine
xxx

Reply to Sunshine
Posted by: Jelly | 2005/07/14

I called his sister yesterday. She says that she will get his addie for me and let me know. I will keep you guys updated. Thank you for all the advice and support. I should have done this 3 / 4years ago but as they say "better late than never" . Hold thumbs for me :-)

Reply to Jelly
Posted by: Lerato | 2005/07/13

That's true love indeed, follow your heart and contact him. the worst thing that he can do is to give you closure that you need.

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/07/13

yeah! google him - sure you can find him! it is scary how wasy it is to find some one through the net these days

Reply to Joanne E
Posted by: Sunshine | 2005/07/13

Dont ask ABOUT him, try and get contact details so you can chat to him yourself dear! If he blows you off, doubltly, then at least you'll have closure and can move on...
If he doesnt blow you off, then at least you can make constructive plans if you want to be together. Just remember that it must be a heart and mind decision.
Gosh, its like i can feel what you going through... :-(
Try and change this situation, you have the ability to do this...
If all of the above mentioned fails, then start focussing on your and your daughters lives. You are the only one that can make yourself happy. Eat well, exersise, form quality relationships and look after you and your childs wellbeing mentally, emotionally and physically.

Sunshine
xxx

Reply to Sunshine
Posted by: Jelly | 2005/07/13

Thanks guys, I have stopped asking about him as it is so painfull. Ever heard the song "Oceans Apart" I think it is called, Sang by Richard Marx. That describes how I feel to the T. I love him but I don't know how he feels towards me anymore.

Reply to Jelly
Posted by: Elsie | 2005/07/13

Since you were hesitant to move to Holland then because he was yet to settle down, what is the reason now for not moving there? Your daughter should be old enough to adjust to change, so get on the phone and start communicationg with him about your plans. Ensure that you find out that he is not attached and still has very strong feelings for you before you pack. Your story really touched me and I hope you will, after 4 years, follow your heart.

Reply to Elsie
Posted by: Sunshine | 2005/07/13

Uhm, KIA - sometimes our heart can get us in to trouble. "get off your high horse and go and live off 'brood en oros' in Holland" might sound nice in the movies, but reality requires decisions to be made with the logical/practical mind as well.
You are right though, that love sounds so true...
Jelly, its sad that his ex-wife had the power to drive him out of the country, no one person should ever be allowed to have so much power over your live, let alone an ex! Can't you find a way to contact him, like email addie or someting? At least you will be apart of each other's lives in some way... Ask his parents if they dont have any details, he must contact them every once in a while? Even if its just to get closure so you can move on with your life...easier said than done though...
Know that there will be some poeple that walks into your life and leave thier footprints there, you are not meant to be "with" them or marry them, but they are just to be remembered always! Also, dont close yourself off to other opportunities, you have enough love for more than one person inside of you...

Take care
Sunshine
xxx

Reply to Sunshine
Posted by: KIA | 2005/07/13

rare cases of such true love, i'm deeply touched. are you in touch with the dude, and if so, then get off your high horse and go and live off 'brood en oros' in Holland

Reply to KIA

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