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Question
Posted by: SWUV | 2003/03/04

Can't let Go!

Hi Doc

I'm 21yrs and my ex-boyfriend is 24yrs and we broke up on march 2001. We were together for more than 7 yrs. He was cheating on me all the time but in whatever I knew he loved. He decided on our break up that I am being too ruly bcz I wanted him to tell me if he still loves me and why can't he be with only and things got bad when I caught him with another girl right there and then I decided that even if I do not know what love is What I was seeing then is not love bcz I was hurt adn I even thought of killing myself but could not bcz I thought of the other dreams I wanted to achieve they did not matter much then but that thought was enough to stop me jumping of the bridge to a river underneath.

I was doing Matric then in 2000 and at the end of the year still with him I decided to go and study somewhere far away from him but could not stay away bcz I loved him. He told me that he made anotherg-friend pregnant and she miscarried and it was a WAKE UP CALL for me bcz I thought of Aids and std's we broke up. I did not want the break up but the was nothing I could do I thought maybe that is faith telling me to move on and I did after a year got another boyfriend whom I love or I think I love but every second of the day my mind is still thinking about my ex. wE CALL EACH OTHER and he knows and I know we have partners but we still love each other. Everytime my boyfriend wants to love me get bored and think of my ex and its up to a point where I do not want to spend time with him WHAT CAN I DO bcz he hsa moved on and I cannot or do not want too, bcz I know he loves the way I love him. When we see each other we start were we left off eccept his girlfriend does not know that but he does not want to commit to me . Am I wasting my time with both these men. I love my ex and my recent boyfriend is very nice guy and he loves me too but the problem he does not know that I crave for my ex.

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Our expert says:
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SWUV,
Isn't it really high time that you woke up from the dream that there is anything at all about this selfish guy that is worth loving ? It is obvious, from what you say, that he has treated you like dirt, and he seems to treat all women the same way --- he screws around, regardless of the high risk of getting AIDS and other STDs and passing these on to you and his other harem of women ; he clearly isn't intelligent enough to understand about safer sex, or he wouldn't have made the other woman pregnant.
Nothing you say suggests the remotest possibility that he loves you now, or has ever loved you. I very much doubt whether he has ever loved anyone except himself. He would be incapable of bringing you anything but grief. Do you enjoy being abused by this guy ? You don't "love each other" --- you feel infatuated with him, and he doesn't love at all. He probably says whatever pleases you when he wants something from you --- and when he can get it from someone else, then he'll say the same things to her. This great lover even pushed you towards thinking of suicide ? Why think of wasting any life, including yours, for the sake of such a selfish man ?
Why waste your life hanging around waiting for the brief occasions when he may find a little time for you, maybe when his other ladies are occupied ?
Make other friends, and I mean FRIENDS === people who care about you and not only themselves, and people who enjoy being with you, not only in a sexual sense. Occupy yourself with activities --- work, hobbies, sports, whatever -- don't allow yourself to indulge in the bad habit of thinking about this man who used you. Surel you're worth a lot more than yo have so far given yourself credit for ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: SWUV | 2003/03/04

Thanks Doc I really needed to hear that.

Reply to SWUV

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