Our expert says:
Isn't it really high time that you woke up from the dream that there is anything at all about this selfish guy that is worth loving ? It is obvious, from what you say, that he has treated you like dirt, and he seems to treat all women the same way --- he screws around, regardless of the high risk of getting AIDS and other STDs and passing these on to you and his other harem of women ; he clearly isn't intelligent enough to understand about safer sex, or he wouldn't have made the other woman pregnant.
Nothing you say suggests the remotest possibility that he loves you now, or has ever loved you. I very much doubt whether he has ever loved anyone except himself. He would be incapable of bringing you anything but grief. Do you enjoy being abused by this guy ? You don't "love each other" --- you feel infatuated with him, and he doesn't love at all. He probably says whatever pleases you when he wants something from you --- and when he can get it from someone else, then he'll say the same things to her. This great lover even pushed you towards thinking of suicide ? Why think of wasting any life, including yours, for the sake of such a selfish man ?
Why waste your life hanging around waiting for the brief occasions when he may find a little time for you, maybe when his other ladies are occupied ?
Make other friends, and I mean FRIENDS === people who care about you and not only themselves, and people who enjoy being with you, not only in a sexual sense. Occupy yourself with activities --- work, hobbies, sports, whatever -- don't allow yourself to indulge in the bad habit of thinking about this man who used you. Surel you're worth a lot more than yo have so far given yourself credit for ?
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