Our expert says:
Your first port of call would be to go to a medical doctor (GP or Urologist) first to have a general health check based on your ED. ED can be an early warning sign of something more sinister happening in your vascular system (blood flow). In other words, if ED is because your veins / arteries are becoming clogged, you are at risk of a heart attack or stroke, so you need to just get this checked out first. You might also need things like testosterone levels checked as low testosterone can result in erectile difficulties.
Erectile functioning is negatively impacting with age - so depending on how old you are, it may be that softer erection are normal for your age and that more direct stimulation is required than you are used to.
I suspect that there is likely to be a substantial amount of performance anxiety, whether you have physical problems or not, this will hamper the natural flow of your sexual response. You can attempt to manage this in several ways, by removing the pressure to have an erection (i.e. an erection is a bonus but sex can involve an array of other sexual activities), refocusing on the sensations in your body rather than 'watching' to see what is happening, and of course, possibly by requesting a prescription for one of the PDE5 inhibitors (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra).
It is not uncommon that libido fades with performance as many men feel emasculated by difficulties in libido - if you seperate out your masculinity and value from your erection, and have a menu of sexual activity to choose from, you might find that your libido returns.
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