Posted by: exhausted | 2009/03/16

can' t handle this anymore

I' m at the end of my rope, am totally exhausted and cannot cope anymore.
Work life, insanely busy. My workload is unbearable, and my bosses just keep piling more onto me. I get threats daily, as I' m in HR in a rather aggressive industry. I' m grossly underpaid, and the company makes frequent promises which it doesn' t keep.
I have crohns disease, which was under control for years and now is going mad again, nothing is helping to get it under control. My medical aid is dragging about giving authorisation for the ONE medicine which does keep it manageable.
My boyfriend has been unemployed for about 10 months, and now goes for interviews, is given the job, and then says he " isn' t sure" . The financial strain of supporting him (and in the process his mother) is getting to me. I worry about making ends meet every day.
I can' t sleep properly, even when I take sleeping pills, my sleep is disturbed by having to get up to go to the toilet (crohns disease again), and by nightmares.
The crohns causes anaemia from the blood loss, and I' m not eating properly because I just can' t be bothered, so that makes the exhaustion worse...
I' m at the point where I' m only carrying on with all of this because of the people who will be let down or suffer if I just quietly disappear from my usual life. I' m not talking suicide or anything like that, I just want to run away from all the stress and try regain my strength, but I can' t... because of everything.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If you weren't in HR, one would suggest you see HR about this --- indeed, if someone else came to you with this problem --- how would you advise them ? The degree of stress is highly likely to be relevant in the flare-up of the Crohn's. Boyfriend needs to be told nobody will support him in his hobby of "being unsure" --- in these days, he's lucky to get any job, and should then stay in it until either he IS sure, or until he can find an even better one. Make it clear that you will stop supporting him unless he gets a job and waits in the job to feel sure. And that it is HIS task to get and keep a job to support his mother, not yours.
Make an effort to eat well, with maybe some vitamin & iron supplements, as improving physial strength will help all round. And make time to see a counsellor for yourself, and work out the best way of modifying this ultimately unsupportable way of life.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: exhausted | 2009/03/18

Hey all.
The bf has finally gotten a job (after me laying down the law), is starting in April, hope he manages to keep it... As for my job, have been looking around for a while now, with luck will have a new one by end April... the crohns is going bananas, so trying to handle that now...
Thanks for all the advice and support. Sometimes just knowing that there are people out there who are sympathetic makes an enormous difference. Hugs to all.

Reply to exhausted
Posted by: DW | 2009/03/17

In my opinion, tell your bf to take a hike if he does not want to work. I am a male, and I have no respect for men that are too lazy to work and live off women. I am sure that by giving him that choice of getting a job, or moving out, will def make you life easier. As for your current job, have you tried looking around for another job? I am not telling you what to do, just giving some suggestions. Keep well

Reply to DW
Posted by: Come on Ladies !! | 2009/03/16

Gee, whats with you girls putting up the slugs you call your pertners ??? Its just beyond my understanding why you all put up with them. A real MAN should be there to support you, hug you when you are feeling blue and down, doing for you all the time and treating you like Queens. You are only treated in the manner that you ALLOW yourself to be treated. Don' t put up with it. Tell them to shape up or ship out. I mean you would feel one hell of a lot better without them hanging around your necks for starters !! Get yourself a real man. They are out there because I am one !! Chase them away.

Reply to Come on Ladies !!
Posted by: Katy | 2009/03/16

WE do deserve that Exhausted! We certainly do!

In essence we' re also to blame as we sort of indulge them and they never have to be responsible because they have us!
We should just refuse... And that' s what I' ll be doing as from today!

Reply to Katy
Posted by: exhausted | 2009/03/16

Hey Katy and Mandy,
It makes me feel a little better that I' m not the only person suffering with this kind of nonsense... what say ladies, let' s go for a ladies night... damn these stoopid men who take us for granted, it' s my money, I work my backside off for it, I' m going to spend it on ME for a change...
He can go stand on a street corner and beg for his money for alcohol and cigarettes and new pants coz he' s put on too much weight just sitting on his butt all day watching tv...

Reply to exhausted
Posted by: Mandy | 2009/03/16

Hi ladies...... yes i am in the same boat. I have diabetes, my sugar levels are sky high...... I just cannot get myself to excerise, coz the stress levels doesn' t allow me to think straight. I cannot buy the " healthy foods"  coz they are too expensive. My DH has been in and out of jobs for about 2 years now and every other month he is without a job. He is unemployed at the moment. But he can drive PEOPLE up and down like no ones business....... Screw the petrol money. We have two girls, 14 yrs and 2 yrs, so both need things that WE CANNOT afford to give them, coz everytime i get paid, A NEW THING COMES up. I cannot buy me nothing decent, coz we never have money......... He is still arrogant, rude and still give that off to say HE IS THE MAN. He' s also going for interviews, but to no avail....... He had the cheek to say the other day "  I AM NO MORE GOING FOR INTERVIEWS COZ I DON' T GET THE JOB" .. Imagine.......... He waats to walk in a job without interviews....... Ag he just make me sick at times and yes reality is that he is going down and he is dragging me and the girls with him...............

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: Katy | 2009/03/16

I am not a sufferer of crohn' s but your story is very similar to mine. Reading this highlighted so many obvious things in my own life that I failed to see.

We are ver responsibly people stuck with loser partners. Partners who aren' t the least bit phased about responsibility and eventhough their words say they hate takinga nd ataking from us, they continue to do so...

I am tired of being supportive in all ways and when he get' s money he spends and spends and later I have to be the responsible one and ensure that all debt is paid.

I have many episodes when I can' t help but resent him and even hate him because I can' t " spend"  my hard earned money in the manner I WANT!

I know I need to get out and I think you need to do same. We don' t need leeches of this sort in our lives. It' s daunting to know I need to go.. I just need teh strength now to follow through....

Reply to Katy
Posted by: bab | 2009/03/16

sorry to hear your situation i hope it improves

Reply to bab

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