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Question
Posted by: Cherry | 2007/12/04

Can't get passed this...

Dear Cybershrink

I posted a question to you about this situation a while ago.

My husband was sms'ing a 18 year old "friend". I found the sms on his phone and he deleted her number instantly.

This was 2 weeks ago. We have argued and fought about this issue since then. I just can't seem to get over it. I know I must trust my instincts and that is telling me there is something more happening here.

Everything he does feels suspicious to me. I know he has to travel for work which means sometimes he has to work on Saturdays, and he is the manager. But I just don't know what to do. He doesn't want to seek counsilling as he feels that I am making an issue out of nothing as nothing happened between them.

He worked the whole day on Sunday, I dropped him off at work and picked him up but how am I supposed to know what he gets up to. If he is seeing this woman behind my back. I've told him it's as simple as deleting a sms or call made and who am I to know anything else.

Now apparently her mother came to see him and told him to leave her daughter alone and she apparently phoned him and told her to get rid of her number because of the issue with her mom. It doesn't sound legit.

I am so hurt inside, why can't I just believe what he is telling me and get it over and done with. I cry every day and we fight everyday it's just killing me.

Please tell me what to do and how to handle this and get it over and done with!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Remember, what your instincts are suggesting may not be literally true --- instincts are not infallible ; but if you feel instinctively that something is wrong, there may well be something wrong, not necessarily what you suspect as such.
But if the girl's mother is insisting that he leave the girl alone, you are not the only one with suspicions about what might be going on, and he can't just airily dismiss all these suspicions.
Isn't he interested in counselling --- not so as to fix something wrong with him ( which may be how he sees it ) but to help you both deal with your suspicions and the way, as he sees it, that you might be making an issue out of nothing ? If he can at least become engaged in counselling, he can perhaps then begin to understand the situation better, and see where he has fed those suspicions that bother him.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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