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Question
Posted by: monster-man | 2003/02/26

Can't forget ex....what sould or can I do????

I fell in love with a very beautifil girl and we went out for about five years. She is still the one I want, but somehow I know that we will never be together again.

How do you handle all those emotions and memories. I know the memories will always be there, but I don't want my emotions to take controle of my daily life.

All this is causing a lot of problems for me because I've been avoiding relationships for the past 4 years and is turning into a real batchelor!!!!!

HELP!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear mm,
Counselling is what usall works best for working on's way through such a tangle of emotions. Memories of past relationships should be like a photo-album --- something you can take out occasionally, and look through with some nostalgia, remembering good times in the past.
They should not be chains that bind you to the past, so that you drive forwards but navigate exclusively by looking into the rear-view mirror.
As you say, cautions arising from that prior experience, instead of protecting you from further hurt, are protecting you from further love --- you've become so hesitant to trust in relationships, that you're making yourself a hermit, instead of enjoying new relationships that can bring the joy you deserve.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Oulik | 2003/03/11

You think you have troubles with memories. I've been divorced from my husband for over a year now, and I still have to see him every second weekend because he comes to pick up our son for visits. Sometimes I wish that I could just disappear and never have to see him again, but the feelings and memories always are there. Everytime I see him. But I've learned that life has to go on and it is what you make of it that matters. If you are supposed to be with your ex girlfriend in future, it will happen, but don't waste time waiting. Go on with your life.

Oulik

Reply to Oulik
Posted by: moster-man | 2003/02/28

Thanx Nina! The world needs more people like you.

As the old Afrikaans saying goes: Wie nie waag nie, sal nie wen nie. Maybe I should just stop being proud and go for it and not hide my emotions because of all the uncertainty.

monster-man

Reply to moster-man
Posted by: nina | 2003/02/27

hi there

no you will not be n coward!!

but you will be a very lonely and maybe even unhappy guy!

why do you "fear" pain so much?
pain is not all that a bad thing - actually alot of good can come form if it - but its our choice

"pain" has the potential to turn us into stronger and better people
you find that you are strong enought to handle the pain -- your self image grows more positive!
you find you have the strenght of character to forgive a person even if they don't deserve it and
better still you can forgive yourself for doing something "stupit',
a person who have experienced pain and healed afterwards has more compassion and empathy for others they care about others and respect themselves more and a person who has self repect treats other with respect.

but the other side of the coin is also true - "pain" can make you bitter, angry and can turn a person into a monster it can steal you peace and joy and make you a very unhappy person.

staying single will not keep you from the "pain" and you can't control it - to much depent on other people and external circumstances - the only thing you can control is how you respond to the "pain" and your determanation to heal and become a better person

good luck and take the plunch - you deserve a happy and forfilled life

nina

Reply to nina
Posted by: monster-man | 2003/02/26

The thing is this: When I see her (and that does not happen very often) all those emotions starts to flare up again. I usually find myself sending her a sms or picking up the phone or even making a visit.

But if I don't see her, then everything is good.

Like the old Afrikaans saying goes: Uit die oog uit die hart!!

But my next question: Is it considered being a coward if one desides to stay single in order to protect your hart from being hurt again????

Reply to monster-man

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