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Posted by: Caezee | 2004/12/16

Can't Decide

Hey Doc

I would like to thank you for being there for people even on a public holiday, and also for helping me out, about 3 years ago, when I had some anger and resentment issues to deal with. Thankfully, I am over those, but I am experiencing a rather deep depression at the moment. I can't decide whether it is due to a particular cause, there may be several factors.

Firstly I am aware that at 41 I am perimenopausal. Also we have moved to a VERY VERY isolated area, where facilites are lacking, even shopping for basic foodstuffs is limited. There is only 1 GP, and I think the nearest Psychologist is about 300kms away. My husband is going through a difficult time healthwise, and while I am supportive and understanding of his problems, he has withdrawn from me, and does not give much in return. All decisions and responsibllities have been left to me. I feel very alone, with a big weight of sadness that seems to hold me down. The only person I have to talk to everyday is my son, who is great and a wonderful person, but he has his own life, and I don't want to complain about my problems all the time, as I feel I must try and sort them out on my own.

I do try and keep busy, though there is nothing here in this town outside of our home to get involved in. I am an artist and I am painting at the moment, which helps but the feelng of achievement doesn't last.

Nothing seems to excite me anymore, I am not even looking forward to the small break in Cape Town we are taking next week. Do you think it is a hormonal problem, or could it be related to the other issues mentioned? I would really appreciate your opinion, it really is kind of you to make the effort to help people, on your time off. Enjoy the rest of your day.

Warmest wishes

CZ

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Caezee.
Sorry for the delay in responding --- as you noticed, I WAS online yesterday to check messages, but obviously left before your late posting, especially as there was an electrical storm around, and I've no wish to fry my modem !
Pleased to hear that you generally sorted out the matters that were troubling you earlier ; sorry to ehar there are some fresh problems. Depressions are often over-determined, in other words, they often have more than one cause, even several causes any one of which could have been sufficient. A major factor sounds like a general withdrawl of your usual supports, due to circumstances --- your husband, concerned with his own health problems, being less available and les supportive, and your move having removed you, presumably, from family and friends and other local supports you were used to, and not easily replaced in a more remote location. Couple with some additiobnal responsibilities.
Check with your son about how he feels about your discussing your problems with him --- if it's not excessive, he may not mind providing such support, so don't feel bothered on his behalf ! Good that your art IS something you can practise solitarily, but maybe lacking the early support and encouragement you were used to previously ?
A GP could do an assessment to see if a Depression might be creeping up on you, and if so, it could respond usefully to antidepressants. Explore online communities to make contacts in your areas of interest. And check out what there might be in your new community, church, school, clubs & societies, charities, whatever.
You'll probably enjoy the CT break more than you're expecting to do. Let us know how it goes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Carol | 2004/12/17

CZ ... I doubt yr premenopausual in fact u remind me of myself two years ago ...

Mine started when my oldest son disapeared while in rehab for heroin . I had a total "wobbly" and had to go onto antidepressants.

im the same age as u by the way ... and what I found I had to do .. was to do something for me ... i started by getting very involved with dogs and animal beahviour .. now i was also in a very small community but being involved on a international level with my boxers helped me a lot as well as learning about other peoples lives and cultures.

I understand exactky what are talking about when u mention " achievement... im a bookeeper but with a knack of being able to sort out systems . bring order and control into an office and able to deal with all disasters .. my work is extremly important to me and I thrive on the challenges ... my previous job i played solitaire all day .. and belive me that nearly sent me over the edge .. my hubby cant organise himself to get up in the morrning and I was also tired of having to deal with everyones nonsense .. so I took a huge leap of faith .. resigned and moved to the city .. where I found the job i needed in three weeks ... im feeling 100 % better now .. hubs will join me next month but at least here i can get around , I have options , and to be honest im having the time of my life ...

I think that at our age deep down inside we know that we havent quite done what we wanted to do .. and we need to deal with it or its going to cause depression and bitterness....

can u not move to a less isolated area ? its not going to help suggesting u get involved in the community there probably isnt much of one ?

animals are therapeutic .. have u considered getting involved with dogs ? u are artistic what about internet comunities ?

see yr GP for anti depressants tho its going to help u think straight ...

take care

Reply to Carol

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