Posted by: Don' t know why? | 2008/11/01

Can you assist?

Why do I fantasize about men that is far more unattractive than my husband? We have been married for 3 years. He is good looking, very athletic and wants to make love to me all the time. But I don' t always have the need to be pleasured by him
(and rather option to do it myself) and this create tension. Why am I not so attracted to my handsome husband and yet thoughts of infidelity (and even letting men pay me for sex) crosses my mind with the not so good looking men?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Difficult to answer because more would need to known to answer your questions accurately. It could be for several reasons: (1) you have had a common reduction in libido which kicks in anywhere between 6mths and 4yrs after the start of the relationship and therefore don't feel the 'hunger' for him; (2) whilst he might be attractive, he might not 'please you' so speak (sexually, in the relationship, in general); (3) it may be that you have not been connecting and communicating with him to direct him how to stimulate you each time; (4) if there is some sexual problem/mismatch perhaps it's easier to stimulate yourself and your fantasy is that another man would be able to meet your needs where your husband can't. These are some of the first things that come to mind; it sounds to me like you are in danger of developing significant relationship problems in the future if this is not better understood and addressed. IF you are in a position to, seek professional help from a sex therapist to try to understand the dynamic better and to assit you to manage this in your relationship.

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