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Question
Posted by: Not using my usual nic | 2005/11/25

Can one?

Have a relationship with a person who does not like your child. The person is not nasty just doesn't take notice or cares about your child.

Can such a relationship work. Do you just accept the hurt ? Talking is not getting anywhere because the person will try but it just does not happen?

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Our expert says:
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You CAN, but it would be a really bad idea, wouldn't it. ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: GS | 2005/11/25

In the long run it will not work. As a mother your child will always come first and you can only take hurt feelings for so long.....

Reply to GS
Posted by: Frosty | 2005/11/25

Ag nee jong. Dis alreeds so moeilik en dan wil jy sommer met 'n helse agterstand begin?

Reply to Frosty
Posted by: Delene | 2005/11/25

yes, as long as he aint nasty.
Cant force a person to like sumone else.

They must both make effort, but they will, when the time is there.
Maybe he just aint good with kids. I am like that. fine with my own, but the moment i'm with sumone elses child, i dunno what to do or say. Not all are naturals

Reply to Delene
Posted by: Jules | 2005/11/25

Hi

How long are you in this relationship. If it is only a few months give him time. I met my husband when my son was 3 and a half years old and my husband at first did'nt take any notice of him as well. I had my doubts about the relationship and one day they just clicked. He was a better dad to him than he's own father.

Reply to Jules
Posted by: lulu | 2005/11/25

And what if it is, "...." ? This person has a problem she wants help with. Is CP Mom no entitled to help on here?

No wonder she doesn't want to use her usual nic...

Reply to lulu
Posted by: .... | 2005/11/25

this is cpmom again ....

Reply to ....
Posted by: lulu | 2005/11/25

The relationship will be with you. If he doesn't like your child, surely he must have reasons why? If these reasons are not valid, then I would suggest caution. If you both want to pursue a relationship, you might want to consider councelling to learn to deal with kids in your relationship. Co-operation and commitment is needed from both parties though.

If he has valid reasons for not liking the child, like disrespect or disobedience from the child's side, then those issues can be solved with communication too.

Handy rule: If you want something, ask for it. No use being disappointed if you don't get what you want but you haven't asked for it either.

Good luck!

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Friend | 2005/11/25

Had exactly the same problem. My husband (then boyfriend) did not like my boys, he said they were spoilt, brats, etc. It took time - 3 years - and now it is going great and they have a great bond. If I were you, I would give it time. Go out on your own, without the child, and then include the child in some of your activities. It is possible to make a success of this relationship. Be positive.

Reply to Friend
Posted by: SR | 2005/11/25

The person will eventually warm towards the child. Remember their primary relationship is with you. If they have kids already then their primary parent attention is towards their own. If they are nasty towards the child then thats a different case altogether. If it turns nasty then you know where you bread is buttered and maybe it's time to have a quality conversation with your partner

Reply to SR
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/25

Personally, I would say no. Your child is a part of you, and if he cannot accept that part, how can he accept the rest of you? The hurt you feel will eventually kill all the feelings that you have for him, anyway. As a mother, I would not be able to accept it at all.

Reply to Frusty

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