Posted by: JJ | 2004/10/18

Can men and women really be friends?

To all the wise people out there: can men and women really be friends?

I generally believe that men are looking for someone to spend his life with. He meets a nice girl – they become good friends – but if he does not marry her she will move on to someone else. (she is looking for a provider)

If he marries her and the babies arrive, women spend most of their time with the nest and new arrivals, and the man (and friendship) is pretty much out of the picture. Having other women friends at this stage could be cause for divorce so our man who started off, searching for the special girl to spend his life with, end up going out drinking with his men buddies. To me it would seems like the sad fact is that men and women cannot really be friends, but I would love to be proved wrong. (Are there any good friends out there?)


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Our users say:
Posted by: JJ | 2004/10/19

Hi Damn,

Sounds like this person was your soulmate. Thinking of him often probably means he is still around looking out for you and I guess he would want you to be happy. Besides, one day you will meet your soulmate(s) again.

All the best.

Reply to JJ
Posted by: D@mn | 2004/10/19

My best friend was a guy, a straight guy! We were very close, spent all weekend together, all holidays, knew everything about each other, just like normal guy friends. It felt to me like he was my brother, or even, my twin. There was definitely no sexual chemistry or anything, just the best friendship I have ever had in my life. He died in 1998 in a car accident, and I still miss him every day of my life. He is the person I still want to phone first when good things or bad things happen to me. I still cry my heart out sometimes.

Reply to D@mn
Posted by: JJ | 2004/10/19

Hi Shaun,

This is not a mindset or an attitude. I believe men and women should be really good friends and this is in a way an attempt to find out why it seems to be rare.


Reply to JJ
Posted by: R | 2004/10/19

In a marraige friendship must exist but should be another kind of friendship as one would find between two unmarried people. I agree that as soon as you find a new friend or the person you are going out with finds another friend, you are gone.

Reply to R
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/19

Hey J, then would you not say that person was not a real friend at all???

I'm sorry, but I do have a few females friends of the sort described above. Yes true, one or two do hope for more, but they are always there for me coz I always let them know that I cannot give me than the friendship we have. Even though they might not be happy with it, they respect that. & yes it's true that there are a few that I may have wished more may have happened, but at the same time, I will not risk our present friendship to see what might be...

Then again, if the feelings are so strong for this person that it breaks you everytime you see them, then it maybe in your best interest to not make yourself so available. But at the same time, I think that love truly is respecting the person to be who they want to be.

It is possible. As Paul says, it may not be common but it does seriously exist. & btw Synical, I'm defintely not gay!!!


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: J | 2004/10/19

Sorry guys and girls its not possible, its all about want and need.
You think your somebody's friend, and when they find
a new "FRIEND", your out the back door.

Reply to J
Posted by: Yellow | 2004/10/19

well then maybe i'm a scarce statistic!! I have platonic friendships with about 4 men for years already, and they really are good friends. i think it's definately possible, well actually i know, because not all friends share a fireworks sort of attraction, but they can be dear friends and have lots in common without pressure to take it further. and even if that happens from either side, i think the value of open communication of true friendship is worth far more in the end.

Reply to Yellow
Posted by: Synical | 2004/10/19

yeah they can be platonic friends as long as the man is gay!

Reply to Synical
Posted by: Paul | 2004/10/19

Yes Shuan, true that. I did say it happens, not a hellova lot though, there are not many men with no underlying intentions.

Have a good day.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/19

Hey Guys,

Thats not fair. It does happen!!! Please don't generalise. A true friendship between a male & female is a rare find indeed, but believe me, it does happen.
So JJ, what you say is a fact is NOT, it is just your opinion...

Sorry guys, but I feel like your attitude here is like almost from the stone-ages, & I'm sure we can be way past that by now.
Be honest, be open, be true & straight-forward, & I think if you really do approach a woman with this attitude & no underlying intentions then you will find a real gem of a friend. & believe me, it's worth it!!!

Sorry if I offended you guys, but I do feel you guys are a little mis-guided here...

Again, sorry...

Have a great day,

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Paul | 2004/10/19

I tend to agree with JJ. I mean how prolific is a platonic relationship between man and woman, where the man did not want more to start out with, and then when he cannot get what he originally wanted, how many really remain friends for the sake of friendship and not for the distant hope that it will still happen?

Im not saying it never happens, it does - but its scarce.

Good point JJ.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Mdu | 2004/10/19

JJ - Get a LIFE!

Reply to Mdu

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