Posted by: Sensible | 2007/07/18

Can kids hide emotional pain?

Hi CS and all,
I used to be a regular here in the past yr. I once posted something that was really eating me up but I'm glad Prof and some "listeners" managed to make me feel better. In brief: I have been a single mother from the word go (separation during pregnancy) and when my child was 2 I got a nice man who really adored my daughter and we stayed together, my place. After 2,5 yrs we went separate ways but he still visits my child cos she is convinced he is the father. She's 5 and I'm 31. After a while I got someone and for some stupid reason I allowed him to come stay with us while he was renting out his house, but we were chowing the rental money together. He was not involved with my child at all and practically disliked her and after bumpy 8 months I asked him to please leave, that was last yr in Sept. Although I have forgiven myself and my child seems happy (not withdrawn, school grade excellent, etc), I am thinking that she might be hurting emotionally due to exposure to these men. She doesn't send fragile signs and all that but I read somewhere that kids, especially at that age, are good pretenders. Am I just being unable to forgive myself and being too hard on myself or do I have course to worry?

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Our expert says:
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I LOVE Jacqui's comment --- THAT would explain a lot ! Kids have l;ively imaginations, and are good at play and pretense. But we should avoid assuming that they MUST be feeling bad in certain situation, working from some theoretical assumtpion that they OUGHT to feel bad. Most of the time they are disarmingly frank and forthright ( Mommy ! Why is that man's nose so big ?) SOunds to me as though you are yourself feeling uneasy and a bit guilty about having been in an unwise relationship, and maybe projecting some of that onto your daughter who may be, as she appears to be, just fine.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jacqui | 2007/07/18

Im not sure whether children do 'hide' their emotion. Some repress them and then later on in life post a piece on CS's site....

Reply to Jacqui

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