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Question
Posted by: OO | 2003/02/18

Can I trust him?

I've been living with my boyfriend for a few years and know each other about 8(including the three years we've been living together). About a year ago I found out that he was seeing me and someone else at the same time and what really freaks me out is that he suddenly wanted me to move in with him and we got engaged. The thing is that I don't know if I can trust him and I don't want to talk about it cause maybe it will only cause friction as I always accused him of having an affair with this lady and he denied it. Then one day I told him that I know he cheated and he agreed he had but he wasn't sure about if I'm going to leave him or not. What does one do and deal with it, since I love him but I'm tired of hurting...and of cause they say once a cheater always a cheater! Why must live be so complicated!

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Our expert says:
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OO, It can hurt when life gets so complictated --- but it could be awfully boring if it were entirely simple. Why not consider, if he claims he's serious about the relationship, arranging for some joint premarital counelling with a group like FAMSA, to clarify all the issues of trust and expectations ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: bear | 2003/02/19

man do I know what you feel like ....
My problem is I always bring it up I dont know How not to ...anyway I hav'nt left him "YET"
so Im the last one to give advise ...Hang in there ollow your heart

Who knows MAYBE people change???!!!####????

God Luck
Remember you are not alone
need to chat let me know!

Reply to bear
Posted by: Me | 2003/02/18

I feel it with you... I'm going through the same thing only difference - i'm male and she cheated on me. Well we moved in together and Nina gave me similar advise as she's giving you above and i agree - he needs to earn your trust - My girlfriend is trying and i'm trying not to make it to hard on her - but you need to remember that we all make mistakes and deserve a second chance - but kick his ass to the curb if he ever does something like that again - I'm glad i gave her second chance things aren't the same and i didn't expect it to be - it still hurts but at the end of the day you know how you feel about him and if it's worth your time, suffering and effort

Reply to Me
Posted by: Cool | 2003/02/18

I cant believe this, you are saying that after he cheated on you that you are still admiring him for pretending hat everything is ok? How long are you going to pretend? Do you wnat to feel like this always, yes you love him even after he didnt think about your feelings when he cheated on you. Help me understand this properly please.... Do you know that it would be much easier for him to cheat again the most difficult part of cheating is over and that is the first time of cheating.... Do you really want to feel like this for a very long time? How much do you think you can take of this? What do you think your future looks like with him? I dont think he have the respect for you, you deserve and you wont have the trust for him to make it work so try and get out of it and accept that it is the way it is and move on with your life.

Goodluck babes

Reply to Cool
Posted by: nina | 2003/02/18

hi there

the only way you know that you have forgiven is when the remembering is not so painfull anymore

forgiveness is the result of a confession and admittance by the other party and him proving that he can be trusted

according to my deffintion you can't forgive unless he takes the first step - to be honest with you

trust has to be earned girl he is not entitled to your loyalty and support just because he says he loves you

good luck

nina

Reply to nina
Posted by: OO | 2003/02/18

Maybe I did forgive him but it is damn hard to forget, it hurts, drives me crazy...sometimes I admire him for pretending that everything is ok!

Reply to OO
Posted by: nikckname | 2003/02/18

No, you can't trust him. And yes, life can be less complicated with someone you CAN trust.
If he told you himself that he did cheat on you, you might have been able to forgive him, but because he didn't it just shows how sneaky he is. you deserve better.

Reply to nikckname

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