Posted by: Wondering | 2009/05/04

Can compulsive liars change?

Hi Doc

I was just wondering if a compulsive liar can change his ways? I think my ex is a compulsive liar, because I recently found out that he basically lies about everything. I dated him for 3 years and I found out that he cheated on me all that time, I found out because I recently spoke to one of his ex' s who dated him while he was dating me and she mentioned that he was dating another girl as well, so I don' t know how many people he lied about, but he covered up his tracks very good. He doesn' t even think before he lies, it just comes naturally to him. I don' t dare to confront him because he gets too angry if I doubt his honesty, he says if I dont trust him then we can' t be friends and then he doesn' t want to talk to me anymore. He will never ever admit that he lied and will always blame me for having trust issues even if I have proof that he lied. There is no way for me to get him to stop lying because he gets too upset when I even metion the fact that he' s not telling the truth, so is there maybe a chance that he will stop lying on his own? He is 34 now and as far as I know he has been lying for about 15 years that I know of, but it could have started he a hopeless case or is there still hope that maybe one day he will admit that he' s a liar and change?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why would he want to change ? With compelling reasons to genuinely want to change, people don't tend to change in convenient ways. Why on earth are you still with a chronic liar and cheater ? Don't you realize that you eserve far more than that ? How many lies are you prepared to sit through, hoping in vain that a miracle will occur ? So long as you continue to accept his lying, why would he ever want to change ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2009/05/05

Who cares unless you are the liar ?

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Are you being truthful ? | 2009/05/05

I wonder ? Normal people who have finished with a relationship tend to forget abpout their ex and what harm they are doing to themselves or what they are doing. Its not healthy to keep on obsessing and wanting " to help"  I think you are not being entirely honest with yourself and that deep down you still care and love him enough to worry yourself over his lies. He sounds like a jerk and a loser. Forget about him and move on

Reply to Are you being truthful ?
Posted by: Wondering | 2009/05/04

Hi thanks for the replies.
But yes he is now my ex-boyfriend, we have been broken up for almost 2 years now and I am not planning to ever go into a relationship with him again because yes I do know I deserve better. But I also feel that a compulsive liar has an illness and I cannot judge him for the way he is and I am willing to be his friend even though he is a liar, because other than his lies he is actually a great person and has helped me through a lot in my life. He is not a bad person, he just struggles to be honest with people and I know that there must be a root to his problem, so I was just wondering if it was possible for him to ever change.

I know most people don' t understand why he would still be in my life because they probably judge people that lie or hurt them, but I can' t do that, I look at the deeper underlying issues and stand by them through it but protecting myself and not trusting them again. I am a Social Work student and I have compassion for people and want to help them where I can, even the ones that aren' t honest, so I feel the need to help him if there is a way for him to change, that is why I wanted to that I can help out my friend.

Thanks for the responses.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Liza | 2009/05/04

No, compulsive liars do not change.

Break all contact with him and continue with your life. You don' t need someone like this in your life!

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/04

He is now your ex - ' hello'  leave the rubbish alone!

Reply to Anonymous

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.