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Posted by: scared | 2007/12/11

Can a shrink help me deal with porn

I need serious help in dealing or accepting porn. My bf of over a year stands a chance of winning a holiday for 2 to Amsterdam and i asked him not to accept it if he gets it. I get extremely tensed up with nudity that i change the channel when its on. He is one of the few good guys left that has no interest in porn but i am afraid of loosing him if i don't change my attitude towards the possible holiday. I cant and dont want to live on calming pills for the rest of my life. please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

PLEASE check out the archives of this forum as we've discussed this issue so many times before, at least once or more ofrten every week. It sounds as though you are truly hypersensitive to such issues, including nudity. And to expect him to give up the chance of a free holiday in Amsterdam necause of your hyper-sensitivity, is more likely to lose him than anything else. There's not much available in Amsterdam he couldn't find nearer to home, so if it hasn't attracted him so far, it's not likely to grab him there. And there is SO much to do in Amsterdam other than that !
Maybe indeed some CBT might help you to work through and better understand your own fears and concerns, and get this all into perspective. Its not a question of anyone suggesting that you need to LIKE porn and nudity ( though it's absolutely the best way to take a bath ) but of not being excessively fearful of it or pre-occupied with it. On John's point, what I have been saying is that there is no earthly benefit in finding a fancy name for "fear of boiled eggs" --- if a person is disproportionately fearful of ANYTHING they can be treated, using the same basic method, and naming it has no additional benefit other than the re-assurance of knowing that it is recognized and not something one is somehow imagining.
Now, Gymnophobia sounds more like a fear of Virgin Active !
And gosh, in your later comment, you reveal that the PAIR of you would be visiting Amsterdam together ? Then you will be looking after each other. The Red Light District is pretty obvious, and most tourists find it rather funny and not at all erotic or appealing. Concentrate on the museams, cafes, and Indonesian cuisine ! And Do some research --- you can probably arrange to visit the Amstel Brewery, see it being made and sample a few right on the spot !
Good luck with the therapy sessions ; enjoy the holiday --- and return to the Forum and tell us how well it went !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sparanyok | 2007/12/11

why are you so insecure? are you OBESE or something? Deal with your self esteem first - i see issues there...

Reply to Sparanyok
Posted by: scared | 2007/12/11

Thanks everybody. They say its good to know people in different places and at least i know a very good psychologist. The only problem now is the finances are not stable at the moment and i don't have medical aid but i will make a plan ASAP. Thanks so much.

Reply to scared
Posted by: Hope* | 2007/12/11

Shame scared, I agree with John on this, go for therapy now, dont waste time. You will be amazed at what even just one session of therapy can do. Good Luck.

Reply to Hope*
Posted by: John | 2007/12/11

Scared, without trying to preempt the CS, I am guessing that he will recommend counselling before you go on the holiday. Don't wait for him to tell you this as you may find that the lead time to an actual visit is weeks so find a local counsellor (possibly through a local FAMSA branch?) and make an appointment. Or see one recommended by a friend?

You've taken the first step by posting here. Take the second one by making an appointment and then go and see him/her. You have had a very difficult childhood and it is imperative that you get counselling to deal with any unresolved issues, whether they are related to the porn thing or not. Good luck.

Reply to John
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/11

I think that therapy can certainly help you to deal with the bad experiences you had. The point should NOT be to help you accept porn, why should you if it goes against your value system?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/11

The red-light district will probably be on the itinerary of your tour, but just tell your tour leader you want to miss out on that activity and go and have coffee somewhere else. It's such a great opportunity, don't miss out. I went with a friend on a tour there too, and it included a show in the red light district which we simply didn't go to. Instead we wandered around in another part of that beautiful city.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: scared | 2007/12/11

Thanks Leigh. We have a very open relationship he knows exactly how I feel. We don't hide anything from each other as neither of us want to have petty fights or arguments. He told me to relax and that he might not win. i just want to prepare myself for incase he gets it. He loves his amstel beer so It woult be great to go there but i am scared.

Reply to scared
Posted by: Leigh | 2007/12/11

Dear Scared,

Who said that you should accept porn. Remember when your Mom said "just because others put their hand in the fire does that mean you should."
You say your bf is a decent young man then tell him how you feel . Don't speak problems over your relationship and if he wins, and you are going to go with him - enjoy yourself. Holland is a beautiful country- you will find things you hate wherever you go - just don't look for them and just enjoy what the experience has for you. It will be fantastic.

Reply to Leigh
Posted by: scared | 2007/12/11

Hi Maria. You have it right. I googled amsterdam but my fear is that we accidently go to the red light. We are going with a tour group, will they make sure we don't go there.

Reply to scared
Posted by: scared | 2007/12/11

Hi John thanks for the google stuff. I read it and it is exactly how i feel. My backround in short. At 7 I was molested. At about 12 i found my dad's collection under his bed when i had to clean their room. At 19 i started a relationship of almost 3 years where the guy chose porn above me.I tried to accept it and even watch it with him but it got too much. I look after my figure so i am not totally insecure. With this is it possible for u to maby give me advise. PLEASE

Reply to scared
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/11

Hmmm... I've been to Amsterdam, and people don't walk around in the streets naked. As long as you avoid the red-light district you should be ok. Or am I misunderstanding the link between Amsterdam and your fear of nudity?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: John | 2007/12/11

Hmmm, usually women who want help in dealing with porn are motivated by loathing or disgust but hardly ever by fear. Given that there seems to an unpronouncable word for any fear that one may think of, including fear of toothbrushes, I was amazed and surprised to see that there is no word for fear of porn. Perhapas I used a lousy search engine. Perhaps thats because its like trying to find a word for fear of chocolate. Just doesn't exist.

But. Good news, there is a fear of nudity. And I say good news because this means that it can be treated once its identified. The CS is somewhat caustic of the plethora of phobias that have been invented but I will leave that to him to explain as he does it so much better than I could hope to.

But, for your information and entertainment, here is a copy-and-paste from a Googled search:

Fear of nudity: An abnormal and persistent fear of nudity is called gymnophobia. Sufferers of this phobia experience undue anxiety even though they realize their fear is irrational. They may worry about seeing others naked or being seen naked, or both. Their fear may stem from anxiety about sexuality in general, from a fear that their bodies are physically inferior, or from a fear that their nakedness leaves their bodies--and their personalities--exposed and unprotected.

"Gymnophobia" is derived from the Greek "gymnos" (naked) and "phobos" (fear). The word "gymnasium" comes from the Greek "gymnasion" (a place for athletic exercises) and the Greek "gymnasein" (to train naked).

Unquote.

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