Posted by: Pearl | 2008/10/06

But CS.. I shd approach counseling seeing as I feel it will rob me of my purpose, which is to make him love me. U won’ t like this but I have found out the names, work and personal addresses of ppl he has dated since I met him. With the present girlfriend I have even done enough research to know who her doctor is. I feel so overwhelmed by this obsession it is now my thing. That means if I go for counseling and am ‘ healed’ , what will I be left with? I will have nothing left to me - this obsession is now my thing. It is all I have of him becoz i cannot have the man himself. HOw will i ever go to counseling if I feel this way?

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Our expert says:
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Why have you settled for such a low aim in life ? There are so many great things you could achieve, so many purposes to enjoy reaching, so many better ambitions to have. Why do you discard all of those and insist only on tryign to force this one guy, who is surely much less great than many others you have passed by, to love you ? You're worth more than that ! You use the right word --- this has become an obsession, and an unwholesome one. But you misinterpret this. If you go for therapy and heal yourself of this obsession, you will in the process become free to be so much more, and to so so much more. YOu speak as though the obsession was a hobby or occupation, and as though it was the only one open to you. Don't underestimate yourself so much. IUts only because you have this obsession that you seem to find it hard to imagine that there can and will be so many more and better things ahead. Focussed only on this, you're not letting yourself see anything else --- free to do so, you'll wonder why you wasted so much time on so little.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Someone | 2008/10/06

CS won' t be able to read your response to his advice unless you send it as a new post.

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Posted by: Pearl | 2008/10/06

what precious advice. I only hope i am strong enough to follow it. It is true i see my life as empty without some sort of focus on this individual - who does not love me.I don' t understand it myself but thank you so much for yr advice

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