Posted by: Nicci | 2006/08/01

Bully husband

Me and my husband always fight over his family, he doesnt like it when I keep close contact with my family will always complain that my mother and dad do not like him and my cousins dont respect him that i even dont invite him at family gatherings but when it comes to his family he goes to see his mother every week want us to go to all their family gatherings when I refuse he gets very angry. the first time he hit me was when i was four months pregnant and now our son is 3 yrs old and we argued over the weekend and he hit me again. This is affecting my son cause even told my dad that my father hit my mommy grand pa. Do you think I should continue to stay in this marriage or just call it quits. Besides he doesnt want to work, doesnt take the business i started for him seriously has two other kids which are in model C schools but neither him not ex girlfriends can afford it. I find myself having to live on an over draft trying to meet his needs. please help me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, he is being abusive and unreasonable --- maybe your family doesnt like him, but you have every right to proper access to them ,just as he has access to his family --- and he shouldn't expect you to always accompany him to gatherings of HIS family, while refusing to accompany you to gatherings of your own family. He shoul;dn't be expecting you in any way to support his kids by other women for their schooling; and if he's unwilling to work, he shouldn't expect you to support him. Call POWA who advise abused women, and consider liberating yourself from a hurban who seems a burden and not a support

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Nicci | 2006/08/04

Thank you all for your advice much appreciated. One mistake I tried to speak to him about this matter his behaviour and how it affect me and my so. told him i will be moving out so that he sort himself out and oh he got angry and said he will not let us move out. Ive considered getting a protection order against him cause Im afraid he might use his gun to committ suicide or kill us all.

Reply to Nicci
Posted by: Mwa | 2006/08/03

Appologies... I pasted Nicci's name in the wrong field. Im Mwa and the message above is for Nicci.

Reply to Mwa
Posted by: Nicci | 2006/08/03

Your husband cares less about you. If he loved you and cared for you, thought of you as a special woman in his life - he wouldnt have hit you when you were pregnant. He would have cherished the child in your womb.Would have wanted you to enjoy your pregnancy and would have instead, looked after you profoundly. And if he thought of you as his wife, his princess and the love of his life, he would be working now. To try and give you all the love and support you need and deserve.He would have wanted to take care of you and wanted you to enjoy your money - whilst he is looking and trying to make a better life for you and all his children.Worse, he would respect your son.He would want to teach your son what love is.There is no man who would want his wife to play his role.If you are doing everything, what is his role then?Its better you stay alone and your son and your expenses will even be much cheaper then.If he (and his ex) want a better education for their kids...they have to work hard for it.Dont take out even a cent.They must feel it.It will be wise if you can move out and be on your own.Your family doesnt want him because he is a loser and has another man (you) doing all his chores for him.Your cousins dont respect him because they see how useless he is. If he wants kids or people yournger than him to respect him he must show his manhood.Not by hitting you, because that makes him to lose even more respect, but by being a providing man.A man that knows what it is to be a man. You offend him, you are a threat to him, you are the man...and he doesnt like it. If he doesnt like it he should do something about it and as for now.. he is destroying you. No parent would want to see their child suffer because of someone else.You've worked hard to get yourself where you are-so why continue to suffer.Im sure you want a better life for your son and you want true role models for him.His Dad is destroying him.He doesnt care what is happening to him now...he wouldnt care what is going going to happen to him even in the future.If you care...TAKE ACTION.Help and PROTECT your child.He has ONLY you to trust.Fix this...GET AWAY....You deserve soooo much better. Remember to pray - God will lead the way.God Bless and Best of Luck!!!

Reply to Nicci
Posted by: FEMINA | 2006/08/01

Run like hell love!! Your husband sounds like a lazy good-for-nothing and you do not have to support his children from previous relationship. Your number 1 priority is your own child and yourself - if he does not want to work, don't let it become your problem. You should not have to make debt (overdraft) to keep him or his kids. They are not your responsibility - he is being so selfish. I think the reason why he does not want you to have contact with your family is that they will see what's going on and might talk you into leaving him. You don't deserve this kind of treatment - he is the man of the house, he should be supporting you, not the other way around! I am also married and have no problems with my husband, but I get really mad when I read about men who abuse their wives - abuse in any form, verbal, mental, physical etc. Your little one deserves the best in life and if his father cannot or will not give it to him, then you will be better off on your own! Good luck, I hope you manage to sort it out.

Reply to FEMINA
Posted by: Soul | 2006/08/01

Hi Nicci

If you stay in this it's going to get worse get out now while you still can.
It completely blows my mind that you are paying for his other childrens education, that is not your responsibility.

Just remember one thing why should he or the mother of his other children get off thier butts and support thier children when your doing such a fine job of it, you covered it all for them. They are living a good life.

Get out run and take your little angel with you cause he doesn't deserve it any more that you do. Don't leave it fo too long cause when you look again his going to be hitting you on a regular basis. And how long is it going to be before he starts hitting your little boy.
Get Out Fast.

You can make it on your own and you'll be so much happier that you did. You and your little boy can be happy.

All the best
Take Care

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Libby | 2006/08/01

Sorry to hear about your bad experience.

It is not your responsibility to pay or maintain his children your first priority should be your little one. He should get off his a-- and get a job, how are you suppose to do it all.

If he really cares about you he will try and help you in all way.

Him hitting you is a no no - yiou should not stand for this. Get out of it if you can - no woman deserves treatment like this.

I am very bitchy today and maybe I am over reacting -
Look after yourself


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