Posted by: SAD | 2005/07/15

broker heart

I just want to find out if it's normal for after going out with someone for more than 4 years and being engaged for 7 months to have suddenly developed a commitment problem. You see what happened is that my Fiancè just decided Tuesday morning that he is not ready to get married and he can't tell me why. He moved out and moved back to his parents to go and think about stuff. Is this normal or should I be concerned? I mean, we did not have any problems so there is no indication that we will not make it. I did not ask him to marry me? I never even said anything about I want to get married but I always knew that if he asks, I will marry him and now 7 months down the line, now suddenly he doesn't want to get married. He will go and see someone on Tuesday, should I just be patient and wait for what the shrink says to him? Should I just give him his space?IS THIS NORMAL? Because my heart is broken into pieces and my parents wants to kill him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its unfair of him not to explain, unless he doesn't have an explanation he can verbalize as yet. It's hardly normal in the sense of usual. Some guys panic at the thought of making a long-term committment. If he's going to see a shrink, wait and let them discuss it, as after that he may have something clearer to discuss with you. It isn't unusual for a guy ( or a gal to need some space and time to rethink their own problems and their relationships, and it usually pays to allow them that chance.

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Our users say:
Posted by: CJ | 2005/07/15

SAD, you are lucky he told you what was going on.

After been together for nearly 3 years, I got home and found my b/f had moved out... to say it was a shock is an understatement.
He came grovling the next day, and said he does not want to end the relationship, but he needed space and time to get his life in order - he was unemployed at the time.

Stay positive, getting married is a HUGE commitment. We are now engaged and getting married in 3 months time. And sometimes it feels like we are doing the right thing, and then there are times that we wonder... It is all a part of growing together.

Our relationship has survived many rough patches, and that has only made us stronger.

I hope it all works out for you too.

Reply to CJ
Posted by: SAD | 2005/07/15

Thank you for that. I guess that's all I have to do. I don't have a choice. It's just difficult!! Because my life went from "perfect" to disaster. But thank you for responding. I needed that from someone else.

Reply to SAD
Posted by: Apple | 2005/07/15

I feel for what you must be going through. All I can say is that maybe it's better he did this now and not 3 years and a wedding down the line.

He obviously has second thoughts about marrying you. I had second thoughts and regret every day that I went ahead with the wedding and didn't have the guts to stop it all before we tied the knot.

Your heart must be broken - I feel for you. There really is nothing you can do but wait and give him space. I PROMISE you that time heals all wounds and if it doesn't it at least makes you forget...

Reply to Apple

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