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Question
Posted by: Broken | 2019/02/14

Broken soul

I am married 15yrs and my heart got broken 2yrs into the marriage. My husband cheated on me. That incident broke me, I lost myself. The way he treated me broke me, even today I still consider myself a broken person. My husband is the kind that springs divorce in every disagreement we have. I’ve heard it many times in my marriage and that continued to break me. I finally gave in to a guy because I wanted revenge. I thought lets both be broken. That ended and I gave in to another guy and recently a married guy. The last affair made me feel so awful. I still can’t recover from that. My mom has always told us don’t let other people’s behaviour change you and I’m afraid the affair my husband had changed me completely, I feel like I don’t who I am. My therapist says I am emotionally depleted. I get no attention whatsoever in my marriage. I always feel so ignored. He hardly talks to me. So my therapist says that’s why when I get attention from these guys I gravitate towards them. And unfortunately when guys give any attention they want sex. I emotionally feel drained because my husband knows about my transgressions and he wants a divorce. I really don’t want a divorce, despite everything that happened and continue to happen in my marriage. I feel like we work in many important areas of our union. Now I am so stressed, the one thing that stresses me the most is sleeping with a married man. I am 45yrs old and I have always lived by the rule that no matter what I will never get involved with a married man, and I did. I feel awful. My therapist said I shouldn’t dwell on what happened because right now there’s nothing I can do about it. She said I have to forgive myself and move on from it but I can’t. This happened 5 months ago and I still can’t get over what I have done. I am trying to read on self-esteem, self-love, self-respect, forgiving yourself and it is hard, I feel still feel bad. I feel like I will never get to that positive place. Also I’m so scared of being without my husband. I am just a mess. Many times I feel like if I could die it would be better.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/02/16

Well, I guess you've discovered that having affairs to get revenge, is not a good idea in so many ways.  We must never allow anyone else to "break us" ; we are unbreakable unless we allow them to do that to us. You are seeing a therapist ; good. Work on building your self-esteem and on reducing your vulnerability.  This is where I like CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which identifies unhelpful habits of thought and behaviour which create and perpetuate your problems,and helping you to learn to cope with crises.
Your therapist is right to remind you than nobody can change anything that happened in the past ; and to continue to punish yourself for them, is like sitting on a cactus, and instead of getting off it, choosing to bounce up and down on it for years.
You are not a bad person, as you are assuming : you're a good person who did some bad things, and can learn from that, and move on to a good life. 
And your goodness, and ability to live your own life, is something you are capable of ; and it is not, and never was, a gift from your husband or anyone else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2019/02/20

Its because of people like you that HIV is on the rise in this country. Shame on you for sleeping with another woman's husband. Have you ever thought of the wife and the man's children? You are just a selfish **** using your husband as an excuse.

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