Our expert says:
Well, I guess you've discovered that having affairs to get revenge, is not a good idea in so many ways. We must never allow anyone else to "break us" ; we are unbreakable unless we allow them to do that to us. You are seeing a therapist ; good. Work on building your self-esteem and on reducing your vulnerability. This is where I like CBT ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which identifies unhelpful habits of thought and behaviour which create and perpetuate your problems,and helping you to learn to cope with crises.
Your therapist is right to remind you than nobody can change anything that happened in the past ; and to continue to punish yourself for them, is like sitting on a cactus, and instead of getting off it, choosing to bounce up and down on it for years.
You are not a bad person, as you are assuming : you're a good person who did some bad things, and can learn from that, and move on to a good life.
And your goodness, and ability to live your own life, is something you are capable of ; and it is not, and never was, a gift from your husband or anyone else.
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