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Question
Posted by: Denny | 2007/05/16

Broken Hearted

Hello, you may remember me.... I had an affair with my husbands friend in December which rolled over into January even tho we agreed no more sex (only happened three times) until things are sorted out one way or another - so we put a stop to it but we did maintain the emotional side of things via the internet. Then a female friend of his found out and must have said some nasty things because he has turned his back on me now and i have just been through the most painful last three months ever imaginable. Now he will not talk to me at all and it hurts. It hurts that what we shared is all gone.... and his excuse for doing this to me is he said that I was never going to leave my husband etc. He even gave me a deadline to have left by, or else he was going to move on. The more I tried to tell him it is not that easy, the more pressure I felt.

I am still with my husband, who still wants to work things out. Yet I am still so heart broken over this other guy. I am 32 years old and have been with my husband for 10 years. We are settled financially and in every other way, yet the spark is not there - which lead me to having an affair because I could connect with this other guy on a level so deep which was wonderful. He was and still is single, he has never been married, and only ever had one girlfriend. But I just cant get over him. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
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So you maintained the unfaithful relationship. It sounds very clear that this other guy was using you an had nothing like the "deep" relationship you thought you had with him. Rather see a marriage counsellor and work things out within your own marriage --- you and your husband both deserve this.

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Our users say:
Posted by: kim | 2007/05/16

well done shae at least there are a few of us who actually cant see why people that have affairs try to justify it. I find it so ridiculous when they say "but he/she is not happy with his wife/husband and the wife/husband are so horrible to them.....". If you are unhappy have the guts to leave and find something else dont toy with what you have and cry when you loose something you never had in the beggining.

Reply to kim
Posted by: FM | 2007/05/16

It is a very difficult decision to make, whether there is some one waiting for you or not! Maybe he is doing it for your own good. I see it as a chance for you to sort yourself out. Decide whether you are going to stay in your marraige... is it worth staying?....will you find happiness if you do stay? Or should you leave because of YOU not because of another man? If you stay it must be because you want to be with your husband. Not because you are financially stable etc. I am in a similar situation, in that I want to leave (not because of anotherman). I want to leave because I am unhappy and I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. He has hurt me alot (emotionally) and I want to "find" myself, find out who I am. That's why I want to leave.

Reply to FM
Posted by: Shae | 2007/05/16

Your poor husband. Take this pain you're feeling and mutiply that by 100 - thats what your actions will feel like to your husband. You are not the victimhere, he is.................he has a wife who wants the creature comfort he offers while entertaining another man in bed.

Why is it that adulterers dont see what they are doing to their spouses? Its all about me, myself, i.

Respect your husban enough to let him go and find soemone who will value him and treat him as a real wife should.

Reply to Shae
Posted by: kim | 2007/05/16

you play with fire you deserve to get burnt. if you were so in love with him and thought he was the one for you you could of left your husband it is not that complicated. the complication comes in because you could not be honest with your husband and tell him what you were doing because it is wrong. you only know someone as well as you think but everyone has a side to them that is brought out in bad situations. this guy asked you for a deadline to leave your hsuband and you could not so whyshould he stick around youc ant have your cake and eat it.

Reply to kim
Posted by: Denny | 2007/05/16

I forgot to mention that the guy I had the affair with I have known for since I met my husband. So I thought I knew him as a person from knowing him so long, but it looks like I was wrong as I never thought he would hurt me like this.

Reply to Denny

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