Our expert says:
seal, think you are absolutely right, and anyone who suggests that you should bring misery to a woman in her 80's by raising grievances from decades ago, is being cruel to no purpose. She can't change who she is now, and she can't change whatever happened decades ago. You don't need ANY change on her part in order to continue to make progress yourslf--- your own progress and happiness is not in her gift. Anyone who suggests otherwise is a fool or a quack or both. In some quack therapists, there is a deeply cruel and vengeful streak, that seems to assume ( oh, so wrongly ) that there's benefit for you in making your parents and others unhappy.
You are, as you say, way more than old enough to sort out your life for yourself, and I'm sure you can be successful in that effort. Let her be.
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