Posted by: Suri | 2004/11/04

Breakthrough!!! - Shaun please read

Wow, I can't believe whats happened this morning. On my way to work and I was talking to my friend, trying to help him with his problems. We started talking about mine and he asked me if I knew where my problem started. I said from my dad when he and my mom got divorced.

Anyway he had to go, as he was getting late for work. I started thinking about my dad. I was too young to remember much. What I do remember is my mom always told me that she only conceived me, to try to save their marriage, which was doomed from the start. Obviously with me being born, it didn't help the situation.

I only realised it now that because of what she told me when I was young, it had a major effect on me. I always thought and felt that I was a failure because i couldn't save my parents marriage. But I realise today that it was never my responsibility to do that, I was never at fault. I am not a failure.

This has made me look at my relationship with my mom too. I always felt that it was my duty to make my mom happy because I let her down (by not saving her marriage). I see now that I have no need to do that anymore, my mom's happiness is not my duty. I am just her daughter.

I always gave up learning new stuff because I thought I was a failure that I wouldn't be able to do it. Now I can see thats not the case, I am not a failure. I have just never given myself a chance.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Congratulations on that brilliant breakthrough, Suri ! I often try to remind people that babies are not superglue --- it is always wrong to "have a child" to try to keep a broken marriage together. Children are people in their own right, and it must NEVER be thought of as the child's task to try to maintain a lousy marriage the parents broke, any more than it is fair to expect an infant to fix the engine of the parents's broken car.
Of course you are not a failure --- they failed, and, probably accidentally, persuaded you to blame yourself for their failings !
You have also provided a perfect example of how such breakthroughs can occur ( something we seek in therapy )--- and how well someone with excellent intelligence, like you, can by recognizing a different interpretation of events, achieve liberty ! Superb ! That was the sound of a penny dropping !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/04

Hey Suri,

I'm already quite proud of you & your break-through. I am also quite impressed that you realise that there is still gonna be heart-ache & pain involved, & that it requires sincere patience.

I think maybe just try to resolve to face one issue at a time, then move on to the next when you feel you have done as much as you possibly could within your power.

Don't allow the doubts to hinder your huge break-through that you have experienced.

With your positive attitude that you have realised I have no doubts that you are gonna get through this, & to your satisfaction & contentment. It seems to me that you have also come to the realisation that there is only so much you can do.

Well done Suri!!! Keep it up.


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Suri | 2004/11/04

Thanx for all your advice. I still have alot to deal with still but at least I now know that I am not failure. It changes so much for me right now, the way I see myself and the way I behave as well.

Right now I need to let my mom know. I am scared though, as I know what I am going to tell her will hurt her. But she needs to deal with it. I have been dealing with too many of her issues for her all my life. Its time for me to start living for me and not for her.

The other issues are : my dad, I still have to deal with his rejection of me. I need to understand from him why he had forgotten about me for awhile. I need him to understand that I don't want his material stuff but just his love. I am so scared of loosing him again as I don't know the reason why I lost him in the past.

Reply to Suri
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/04

hi suri

well done girl, you opened your heart to the advice given and eventually the penny dropped for you, you have so much to be proud of !!

you rock girl


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Lonestar | 2004/11/04


I have been following your posts and just want to say that I am truly happy for you. You have conquered a mountain!!!


Reply to Lonestar
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/04

Hi Suri,

Amen to that girl!!! Wow, all I can say is that I am so very glad for you Suri.

Thank you for the feedback. Surprising how comforting it is to know that so much that was getting to you actually turned out to be no fault of your own.

Don't forget to to keep your appointment with your shrink & let them in on this too.

Damn, I'm really happy for you Suri.

Here's wishing you a life full of exciting break-throughs.


Reply to Shaun

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