Posted by: Rusty | 2009/01/16

Breaking emotional connection

I have had a long distance ' friendship'  with a man for 3 years, we see each other occasionaly.The trouble is that I am the one who puts in all the effort-I show the concern when he' s ill,remember his birthday(he always forgets mine),send him gifts,ask about his life etc.He does sms and show some interest,and whenever I ' vanish'  for a while(4 days or so) he wants to know where I am.Yet the relationship seems to be on his terms always.We talk when he has time,when he' s in the mood.

We are sexually attracted to one another,but circumstances make it impossible for us to ever have a relationship.He has made it clear on many occasions that if our circumstances were different,I would be the one he would want in his life.The trouble is, we crossed that friendship line by saying how we felt, and by being intimate(just kissing) after 2 years.He keeps alternating between insisting we are ' just friends' , and then wanting to flirt etc.He also tells me he can never give himself emotionally because we live far apart, and that makes it impossible.
I have realised that this instability is driving me mad, and is draining me.I never know where I stand.He is moving further away due to his job, and there' s a good chance we' ll never meet again,so contact will be through phone calls etc.
So I see this as a good opportunity to let things taper off, as he obviously doesnt see me as anyone that important in his life.Trouble is, although he has never become emotionally attached to me,I have become attached to him, and know that letting go is going to be very painful.

Any ideas as to how I can do this in the least painful way for me?

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like you're a whole lot more "into him' than he is into you. Isn't this a mild sexual convenience for him, but you're trying to see more in it than that ? Why do you continue to insist on putting all your eggs in this one basket ? Why do you seem to behave as though he were the only possible relationship you could have ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: v | 2009/01/16

I was in the same way involved with a guy,,, girlfriend all I can say is loose his number and change your number.... Find someone that would want to be with you and who u can be with......the best would be to let him go... I was involved with a guy 2 in nearly the same way..Everything was on his terms etc and he always contacted me just ot string me along... I met someone else and fell in love... I let the jerk go and changed my number....that way u will know he won' t sms you or phone u,,,,, I am married now and glad I made the decision to let Chris go.....

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