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Question
Posted by: hurt | 2004/11/22

Break up

My b/f and I broke up on Friday. I am so upset and depressed about it. But, I dont even think he cares! He said his work was more important than me at the moment, how can anyone cut someone else because of work? I thought I meant everything to him, was the whole relationship a lie?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, h, if it was really a relatonship with an emotional investment, of course you feel upset and depressed. If you didn't feel that way, it wouldn't have been a relationship at all. Actually, though, a relationship in which one person expects the other to consider them "everything" and thus to neglect work duties and other committments in life, rarely works and is really unwise. You may have been too demanding for him to be able to give you all that you wanted and still survive in his job. Maybe if you seemed less needy, less demanding, a relationship could develop in a more lasting way.
And the comment of shutshut BEP makes a lot of sense, too !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shutshut BEP | 2004/11/22

So true Hurt, it takes compromise from both sides. Now let us get into the gist of your case, what would you have liked him to compromise (trade-off) for what? eg give up work time or X for intimacy between the two of you (or Y) - would that be viable? Weren't you expecting a little too much, perhaps?

I still wonder if it would be wise to get the bigger picture here. Do you mind sharing the trivial issues as they happened or as you fought over?

Reply to Shutshut BEP
Posted by: hurt | 2004/11/22

Doc, thanks for your input. However, I was never needy - I made a point of not to be. But when he never has time for you anymore, because of work, how can a relationship survive. It takes compromise from both sides!!!

Reply to hurt
Posted by: shutshut BEP | 2004/11/22

Nope the relationship was no lie. give us the whole story before we judge or would you like us to help you with coping with the breakup?

Reply to shutshut BEP

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