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Question
Posted by: Claire | 2004/11/16

Boys night out

How can I stop being so paranoid when my boyfriend decides to go out once in a while with the guys to a pub or to a nightclub. I sit wondering the whole night is he cheating on me, etc and I hate that feeling, he has told me a million times he wont cheat on me, and deep down I know he wont but in the back of my mind I cant stop thinking about this nonsence. I want him to go out and enjoy himself. What do I do!

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Our expert says:
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Mona's advice makes good sense. Mind you, I'm not convinced that a ritual night out with the boys every week is actually required by the Constitution.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Paul | 2004/11/18

Aag buuuuger! Thanks anyway I did say that it was a longshot though! Ha Ha silly me, I think Ill go have a lie down.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Claire | 2004/11/16

Thank you guys for all the advice, and yes we should learn to trust each other more, but on his side its because ALL and I really mean ALL his girlfriends cheated on him, because he works shifts, and on my side its because this is my first boyfriend and I hear about all this cheating going on and even though he tells me he wont cheat on me you hear stories about other relationships. I think I should start focussing more on my relationship and believe him more.LOL here Im giving myself advice. Thank you Hurt for the advice.
It doesnt mean that when men go out that they are going out with the intention on cheating.

Reply to Claire
Posted by: Hurt | 2004/11/16

Hi Claire, me again. You must always try and keep the excitement in your relationship. Always be honest with each other, once that trust is broken it is so hard to gain back. Good luck and hope you guys have a long and happy relationship together.

Reply to Hurt
Posted by: Jackie | 2004/11/16

Hi Claire.

You guys don't seem to have any trust in each other.You will never have a long happy realtionship if both of you are worried about being cheated on. He has every right to go out with the boys, just you also have that right. Just as Mona said, go out with your friends when he is going out. At least it will stop the paranoia that you have. Good luck and I hope with time you are both able to trust one another and be secure in your relationship.

Reply to Jackie
Posted by: Claire | 2004/11/16

Hi Paul, sorry I have never lived in Berea

Thanks for the advice Mona, I did follow him the one night, after an argument he went out with his sister and her boyfriend to a club, when I got there I spotted him but he didnt see me, so I watched him, he was just hanging around with his friends talking laughing, and of course looking at the girls, but yet he just looked he NEVER touched or tried to flirt with any of them. And yes if a girl came up to him and he knew her he hugged greeted her. He was angry when he spotted me and he assured me that he will never cheat on me no matter what, he was angry at the fact that I was spying on me and he felt that I was obsessing. He has had the opportunity to cheat on me, one of his best friends wife came on to him and tried to get him into her bed, he pushed her away and said no, firstly her husband is a good friend of his and secondly he has a girlfriend whom he loves dearly and he doesnt want to hurt me. He told my mom this to me he just said they kissed, he didnt want to tell me as he was scared I might think the worst and he doesnt want to lose me. Hes 28 and I'm 22, we have bee dating 7 months now.
All his past relationships ended because his girlfriends cheated on him because he works shifts, and he is more scared that I will cheat on him. so basically we both are scared that I will cheat on him and he will cheat on me, even though we assure each other we wont and I go out on my own to spend time with my friends and he goes out cause he feels he has time with his friends ONLY and time he wants to spend with his GIRLFRIEND

Reply to Claire
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Ha ha Paul!! Write to the You Magazine.

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Paul | 2004/11/16

A long shot but you werent living in the penthouse in the flats in berea when you were a wee lass?

Im looking for an old friend Claire, long shot but worth a try.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Hurt | 2004/11/16

Hi Claire. As Mona has said Trust is very important and that is why my 10 years of marriage is on the rocks today. Call it womans intuiting but I also had these nagging feelings 13 years ago while he went on "boys" nights out and I sat at home waiting and this while we were dating. Today, aged 31 + 2 beautiful kids and 10 years of marriage I possibly will never trust another man in my life again. I have been hurt by an affair thats been going on for a year, needless to mention all the other flings he has had that I have found out about. I don't want to put negative thoughts in your mind, please understand all I am trying to say is if your getting these nagging feelings, do a little investigating even if its only to put your mind at ease. I hope in your case it is only a feeling but you know what everytime I had this feeling it was for a reason, there was something always going on. How old are you and your boyfriend and how long have you been dating?

Reply to Hurt
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/16

Trust is very important in a relationship, or it will NEVER work. Why dont you go out with the girls on the same night, that will keep you busy!

Reply to Mona

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