Posted by: stuck between a rock and a hard place... | 2004/10/13

Boyfriend vs. overseas

Dear Doc,

I would just like some advice on how I should "be" before and during my trip to the US for six months towards my b/f. He is supportive (or so it seems) of my decision, but I feel so guilty leaving 'our life' behind and in the interim have been getting flack from everyone around me...

"how dare you leave for so long" "what about XXX" and the immediate assumption that we are breaking up just because I am going to be away...

I find myself questioning whether I should still go, although pulling out will be a costly exercise. Will things remain the same whilst I'm gone, will I be different, will he, can our relationship withstand such a gap and a change?


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Our expert says:
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I'm not sure there are any good rules about how you ought to "be", other than to be yourself. Sounds like other people are interfering with what is essentially a matter between the two of you. Go ahead with your plans, as you have his support, and keep in good contact with him. You will both grow and develop in the interim, but that need not spoil, and could enhance, the relationship. Don't, like Mindful's friend, allow other busybodies to spoil a great oppotunity.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gillian | 2004/10/14


I went overseas last year for 4 months as I felt it was soemthing I needed to do for myself. It was selfish - but that doesn't mean it is bad. I am so happy I did it. Very proud of myself, had som much fun and feel so enriched becuase of it. Our relationship was better for it. He saw me as an idependent person able to take care of myself, and my independence was confirmed for me. Go and spread your wings. If anythign, it will better your relationship with him and yourself.

Just let him be sad - he will miss you!

Reply to Gillian
Posted by: O.G. | 2004/10/13

I Myself was stuck in a similar situation Nov of Last year, And as from someone who' knows i Say Go!!! Go expand your horizions become inderpendent, if you do return and the 2 of you, get it going again, then its meant to be!!!

Good luck

Reply to O.G.
Posted by: MG | 2004/10/13

As one who has been in the dilema you are currently facing... I was going out with a guy, and left to spend a year overseas.... we did break up before I left... but we kept in contact, and I think the distance definately did make the heart grow fonder....
We saw each other the day I returned, and we haven't been apart since.... married for 10 years, and never happier. Don't let yourself be swayed by other people and their negativity... If you are meant to be together, it will happen... don't put yourself into a position where you regret not going, and feel resentment later.... ask yourself what you truly want, and the decision that gives you the nice warm flutterly feeling in your tummy, is the right one!

Reply to MG
Posted by: Art | 2004/10/13

B vs O, girl go if your bfriend has no issues why let others lay an egg it is your life , you do not do this it will always haunt you to why did I never go if it turns out you do not like it you can catch a plane back home give things in life one shot with in limits of course

Reply to Art
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/13

I have a friend that was in exactly the same position, except her overseas venture is for 4 years. Her boyfriend gave her the hardest time about leaving. He was bitter and angry and constantly accusing her of cheating on him (he still does). She's having such a great time there. She's in a managerial position and she's got great friends and her standard of living is excellent. She's giving up her job and coming back in a month's time, because he's threatened to break up with her. And that just irritates the hell out of me! She's still young (as I am assuming you are), she has her whole life ahead of her, and I firmly believe if he's the one, that things will work out even across that distance.
I'm probably biased because of that, but I think you should go! Like I said, if he's the one, you'll find each other again. It's such a great opportunity for you, do it!

Reply to Mindful
Posted by: ec | 2004/10/13

Only time will tell.... i suggest you go - expand your horisons, experience life! if things do change and i have no doubt they will (in all respects) it will only add to your life!
Good luck and enjoy!

Reply to ec

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