Posted by: Lily | 2009/05/26

Boyfriend prefers to talk to his Mom...

Hi there,

I need advice. My boyfriend of 8 months always phones he' s mother when there' s a problem in his life. He will tell me that he just needs time alone to sort through thigs, and then I' ll find him in a corner of the house getting a much needed pep talk from his mother.
I feel hurt that he doesn' t confide in me. I feel that I' m somewhere on his list of people to talk to about issues that bug him after his mother, his sister and possibly more people that I am yet to discover can do a better job of reassuring him than what I can.

Am I being selfish? Will this be a trend for years to come? I feel resentful towards this behaviour. I feel I am just good enough to cook for him and sleep wih him, but where problem solving is concerned, I' m simply not good enough?

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Our expert says:
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Is this necessarily a problem ? Presumably his mom has always been supportive and given him good advice. Do you want him to ignore her in future and take advice only from you ? He's known her all his life, and known you for 8 months. You're not being selfish, but unrealistic, and these concerns are based more on power issues, and feeling low on the pecking order of importance in his life, rather than on a desire to help him and concern that he is getting bad advice and that you could do better.
If in time your advice proves to be as reliably good as his family's he will probably start to take you more seriously.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jakes | 2009/05/26

Don' t feet bad or threaten about it. Every person has that someone who they can speak to regarding any problem and get a comforting and motivating answer. Whether it is that persons mother, father, sister, friend, wife or even a work colleague. The person might have a relaxing and comforting influence on one and that is what is needed at that time. If it is not you it doesn' t mean that he doesn' t trust you or doesn' t want to confide in you. So I don' t think you need to be upset about it. It is after all he who has the problem and surely has the right to speak to who ever he like to sort out the problem...

Reply to Jakes
Posted by: Realist | 2009/05/26

Yes, that' s how it will be forever. He will always listen to his family first as he has come to trust their advice and life experience. Unless you can prove to him you have what it takes, get used to him seeking advice from his family. Basically there is nothing wrong with that as its always better to seek as much input as possible before making a decision. You will just have to try harder.

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