advertisement
Question
Posted by: Kay | 2003/03/06

Boyfriend Parents Do Not Acknowledge Me

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 5 years. We are from different backgrounds racially and culturally. My family and friends have accepted him and he is basically so comfortable with them that it's almost easy to forget that we have a problem with his parents. Despite the fact that our relationship is very solid, his family still refuses to acknowledge that he has chosen me instead of someone who is from the same background. They are incredibly stubborn and are still living in the past when mixed relationships were not tolerated. Please help. How do I get them to realise that their negative attitude won't make me dissappear?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Kay,
Make them realize that their prejucies wont make you disappear -- by not disappearing ! Older generations especially, who grew up in bygone times, don't easily lose their prejudices, and trying to force them to cange, rarely works. If you plan to go ahead and get maried, and have the support of your family and friends, go ahead. Eventually, the other family may start to realize what they're missing, and make some changes in their atitudes --- leave the door ajar, in case they do. And plan to live happily every after, even if they don't.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/07

Dear Kay -- Hang on in there. The problem is, as said above, the older generations will not change. Accepting someone from another culture is going to take another few years. I'd say, go on being sweet and pleasant to them. (Five years is a long time in the life of a relationship). Maybe one day soon a time might come when you could talk to them openly ... lay your cards on the table. Say something like, "I know you are against this relationship because I'm not from the same culture as your son ... I just want you to know that I love him ... Remember that, if we marry, our children, like thousands of others, will grow up as multi-racial kids ... It will be accepted fully 5 years from now ... " (Something along those lines, because it's true).

In the meantime, do not judge them too harshly. South Africa has come a long way in a very short time. I see in my own parents that, although they accept all the changes, they still have prejudices. I don't think any of us can force the older generations to suddenly change. Good luck to you!!!

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: wine | 2003/03/07

This is your relationship - not ur boyfriend's parents. They have nothing to do with ur relationship. If they won't accept u don't sweat about it. Their attitude can affect ur relationship in the long run. Focus on ur relationship. Don't focus on something that's almost immpossible to achive. If they haven't accepted u in 5yrs what makes u think that they will accept u now. Don't stress about it. They will come around in their own time.

Reply to wine
Posted by: NNa | 2003/03/06

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THAT,MINE IS WORSE THEY WON'T ACCEPT ME BECAUSE THEIR SON IS DIVORCED AND BECAUSE THEY SAY THEY HAVE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY FOR THE WEDDING THEY WON'T ACCEPT ANYBODY AGAIN IN HIS LIFE.HE DIVORCED SIX MONTHS AFTER THE WEDDING AFTER REALISING THAT HE MARRIED SOMEBODY WHO WAS THREE MONTHS PREGNANT WITH SOMEBODY ELSE CHILD.THEY USE ALL THE BAD LANGUAGE WITH ME.THEY BELIEVE THAT IF I WAS NOT IN HIS LIFE HE WILL SUFFER AND HE WILL CONSIDER GOING BACK TO THE WIFE.BUT WHEN I FOUND HIM THEY WERE SEPARETED.

Reply to NNa

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement