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Question
Posted by: Desprerate | 2004/01/12

Boyfriend is depressed!

My boyfriend is sinking deeper & deeper into depression. His mom is Manic depressive & his sister recently started taking anti depressents for her mood swings. But my boyfriend is so scared that he is going "crazy" like his mother that he won't go to a phsycologist & get help. We had a fight the other day & he blew up at me & told me to leave so I didn't contact him for 3 days. He sent me an sms saying " I don't blame you for hating me, don't worry I hate me too" when I called him he still insisted on fighting with me about the same thing we fought about 3 days ago but he added that he is depressed & I don't care. I have the feeling something else has happened but I don't know what-he won't tell me. He just keeps saying I don't need someone like him in my life & I deserve someone better & he is holding me back & that he thinks he is going crazy like his mom. The truth is I have gotten to the point where I can't take it anymore. This relationship is draining me-ecpecially when he gets like this. I am worried-he iether never sleeps or he sleeps too much, he suffers panic attacks, he is always "bored" or depressed, he hardly leaves home, he can't find a job because he says no one will employ him. Basically the only thing he lived for was me & I am afraid if I leave now without trying to get him help he will do something drastic. what do I do? I love him with all my heart but I also know I could NEVER live with him or marry him-not unless he gets help!! Do I stay or do I go??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear Desperate,
it does sound pretty likely that your boyfriend is sufering from a Depression and/or some related condition such as panic Disorder --- this wouldn't be at all surprising with his family history. Sadly, it also sounds as if he is reacting as far too many people do, by suspecting that there's a problem, but rather than seeing a doctor and getting it fixed, he's scared to see a doctor for fear that the doctor might confirm that his fears are at least in part, accurate.
From the sound of it, his condition is likely to be highly treatable, and he need not feel anywhere near as bad as he does. You can reassure him that he's not "going mad" although it may feel like that to him, but that it's likely this is a package of depressive problems, arising from an inherited instability of some of the chamicals that help the rest of us NOT get depressed so easily ; and highly likely to be effectively treatable --- and encourage him to see a shrink for a proper assessment and advice on treatment options.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Paul | 2004/01/12

That definately sounds like depression talking. Things like "he doesn't deserve you" etc. etc.

However he wont be able to get help, until he realises the diffirence between depression and going mad - its not the same and its not a shame.

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