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Question
Posted by: lebs | 2007/05/31

Boyfriend & Friend

last night my boyfriend had a huge arguement, and the subject was one of my girlfriends.

what is happening is that i work out of town and come over for weekends, if my boyfriend doesnt come over where i am based. this friend of mine is in the same town as my boyfriend, i found out that they communicate in my absence, that is calling each other, this is when my boyfriend told me that he was just on a phone with her, before he called me.

i could not understand why he would call her, and i asked him not to do that again because the lady is my friend and not his, after doing that i also told the lady that i was not comfortable with the communication that is going on between her and my boyfriend especially when im not around. she understood and apologised.

now, last night, it seems like my boyfriend has not been happy with this all along, because he is now saying that the reason i did this could be that i have a history(that my friend has in the past stole my boyfriend or i have stolen hers), or i dont trust either him or her or that i am insecure and jealous.

now Doc, i asked the man to put himself in my shoes and tell me if he would be comfortable with me being in touch with one of his boys, especially if he's out of town, and he's like we cannot compare the two situations.

the way i am feeling right now, is that i have done my part in drawing the line between my relationship with both my friend and my boyfriend, seeing that they were getting too friendly with each other for my liking, and they both know how i feel about it, now really it is up to them to decide if they want to continue keeping in touch with each other and that i am being unreasonable.

what is your take on this, could you please help. is this relationship worth it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Not everyone would be jealous or upset in the situation you describe --- the contact could be innocent. Men and women DO contact each other at times with nothing to do with sex. That you are upset suggests that you don't trust him, and counselling might help you to get this in proportion

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Fora | 2007/05/31

My advice to you is that call both of them same time into a meeting to straigten the facts clear. Establish what is it, that they are discussing most of the time. My feeling is your boyfriend and friend must repsect your needs, as you requested that they must stop communicating. If he needs lady friends it must be somewhere but with your friends its a big NO NO! Unless their is something fishy with both of them, he needs to respect you as his girlfriend, keep to his promises, your friend as well. If they don't keep up to that then I doubt this might be more that friendship. I've been there and seen all of it. Good luck !!!

Reply to Fora
Posted by: Lims | 2007/05/31

So....do you have a history that your friend has in the past stole your boyfriend or you have stolen hers.....??
Do you not trust either him or her...??Or you do not trust that you can have a male friend....? and just be friend.

if you and your friend have a history of bf stealing then you are reasonable.if you do not trust either of them.....why don't you? have they ever given you a reason not to trust them?Or is it that you do not trust yourself then in that case your are being unreasonable, insecure and jealous.

Or do you have that six sense in your gut saying BEWARE,and BELLS going off,Then go with your gut feeling....

Reply to Lims

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