Posted by: Bozo the clown | 2008/09/15

Bored and stuck in a rut...


I' m stuck in a rut. I' m trying to get out of it... but it' s kinda difficult and not really sure where to start to get out of it.

Over the last year, I have been evaluating my life and have realised that my friends have hindered me in meeting new people, I say this, as a wise person once told me that I am who my friends are.

I do believe this to an extent. I just think back on the past and I think that it has effected me.

I am the most professional in my entire group, most probably the most intelligent there (modesty is not a virtue). I can say this as not one of them has a university education. Somehow, through various choices I have made (whether the right ones or the wrong ones), I have ended up with my current lot of friends.

I am slowly trying to branch out and meet new people, through the various normal people that I meet.

What I don' t understand, is that people aren' t really receptive to making new friends (i' m 25yo guy). Even women, just to go out as friends or whatever, the invite always ends up never being responded to... for some or other reason women tend to see my invites for coffee as marriage proposals and never reply!

I' m not a bad guy, i' ve got ambition, decent looking. I just don' t know what i' m doing wrong. Am I trying to hard to make new friends? What should I do?

I' ve decided to take up some hobbies as my studies are finally coming to an end and am able to close that chapter in my life and move on with new an exciting things as I will have a void like gap to fill (my studies).

I don' t think that i' m seeking advice, as I know what I need to do. Making new friends is tough, but I need to make changes.

It doesn' t happen over night and well...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear B the C,
As you might expect, CBT counselling is my recommendation, as it would enable you to recognize and define the ruts, and work out the most fruitful way of emerging from them. Apparently its not so much that you need new friends but different friends, more suited to the directions in which you wish to move.
And I think you're right that too many people these days concentrate siolely on the mating aspect of relationships, rather than also being prepared to have fulfilling friendships that are not about love and sex. I think you know what you need to do, and see no reason why you won't be able to succeed, so long as you're not too hasty or impatient about it

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: xxx | 2008/09/16

at least im not the only one stuck in a rut.. lol a move across the globe sound appetising and can' t be ruled out!

Reply to xxx
Posted by: sophia | 2008/09/16

I know what you mean ... I lived in the UK for 8 years and was mostly single through it all. It soon dawned on me that my other friends were also single and we were living the same life. I moved back to SA to ' escape'  that rut and saw it as the only way to break out of that circle of friends who for many reasons were inhibiting my social life (too many to get into here). I have been back for a year and have had two relationships since then, the one in which Im in now is going to be forever.

Break the pattern. It took a move across the world for me to do it but Im so so so glad I did.

Reply to sophia
Posted by: EL | 2008/09/15

You need a friend? I also need a friend! Just a friend like you said. Give me your e-mail address, I' ll be your friend. Wow, I really sound desperate! hehehe

Reply to EL

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