Our expert says:
Eating Disorders Expert
Reading your question, I cannot help but see how extreme you are in your outlook. Everything seems to be either "good" or "bad". Food is either "healthy" if it consists of vegetables, fruit, fish (grilled or steamed, no doubt)or any other foods, provided it has little labels on it saying FAT FREE, DIET THIS or ZERO THAT. On the other hand, all this so called "crap" that constitutes your clandestine relationship with food appears to be what you are completely trying to eliminate from your daily intake, as though it is evil and shameful. It appears to be the food that you consume in an out of control manner - your irresistable apple from a garden described very early in the Old Testament. Are you trying to live up to certain expectations in front of your "lean and fit family", while in secret, you surrender to the temptations and eat uncontrollably on the very foods that you deprive yourself of in the public eye? I suggest that you try to not categorize food so extremely, and adopt a new and more healthy as well as realistic view of food: Try to see all food as good, but be moderate in your consumption. A little "junk food" (your pizzas, burgers and deep fried hake and chips) is not harmful if eaten occasionally. However, I feel that it is a mistake to try and deprive yourself of these foods altogether, as you appear to demonstrate the typical danger of then resorting to binge behaviour when you are feeling emotionally and/or nutritionally deprived. It's all about balance and moderation. In nearly two decades as a professional clinician, I cannot recall anyone who has safely retained any meaningful weight loss by way of extreme dieting through food group exclusion or very restrictive calorie intake. You say that you have been overweight since the age of 5 years? Without knowing your full history, I have no way of knowing your predisposed normal weight and body shape, but you might value enormously from seeing a registered dietician and discovering what a healthy stable weight for you is. We each have what is called a set-point weight, and you need to discover what is a ralistic weight for you to accept and embrace. If you don't do this you stand the risk of remaining at war with your body for the rest of your life. Perhaps you should also return to some form of psychotherapy to receive some guidance and emotional support towards resolving some of your absolute ways of thinking, and start working on developing a more nurturing and accepting relationship with yourself NOW.
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