Our expert says:
Surely what you really need now is NOT another sexual relationship, but specific help in getting away from an abusive spouse ? Don't just put up with the abuse and feel this justifies your enjoying some "steamy sex" on the side --- that doesn't really solve your primary problem. Call POWA or some similar group specializing in helping women who are being abused, and get detailed advice from them on how to protect yourself and your children.
From the sound of it, your abused friend should do the same ( and that's assuming he isn't perhaps using the "my wife beats me" as a modern equivalent of the "my wife doesn't understand me" line that was much used to talk women into bed ).
POWA and similar groups can help you to use the law to protect yourself and your children, and to get a Court order that will forbid your husband to approach, let alone harrass or harm you or them, on pain of going to jail if he disobeys the order. Dont make the mistake many women do, of paying with sex for the loving and affection you want and deserve. As Paul says, when both of you are legally freed from abusive spouses, you can safely get together for whatever purposes you please.
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