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Posted by: Tigger Togs | 2004/10/29

Bitterness et al.

I just don't know. You guys are right but it's so hard to accept. I was fine, even pretended the slut didn't exist but she does. Yes he's a ()#*% for leaving but somedays I tell myself it's my fault. Yes they now get on fine, but it's cause she can accept him as he is, sorry I couldn't. Farting in bed for foreplay, hands in his underpants 24/7, abusive language, withholding money and love and affection, porn (infront of my daughter), unfair bedroom demands, swearing at me when I disagree, pushing me, refusing to help me, telling me he'll destroy me and break me so I will know who he is, I can go on and on. I couldn't accept him like that, the slut can that's why he loves her so much. But still I'm sore and sad. Moving into a new place this w/end and that also hurts. Just very confused. Maybe it's the female hormones or something, I don't know...

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Our expert says:
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TT, what's right is often not easy to accept, at least at first. And what's easy to accept, is often not what's right. From your description, you sound so well rid of him, and it's not your fault ; feeling responsible is just a habit of yours.
Consider counselling, to work your way through this effectively, and to get over that negaive attitude that could delay your finding what you want.
And in your final remark, you put your finger exactly on a very important aspect of this. You're not mourning the loss of the actual rotten guy, but facing and mourning the loss of the much better guy you always hoped he might turn into.
You kissed this particular frog many, many times, and he isn't going to turn into any type of prince.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tigger togs | 2004/10/29

I don't want him as he truly is, he's a pig. It's more sadness over the loss of who I thought he was. Actually he was always like this, he just got progressively worse. My selfesteem was so low I accepted it. NO MORE!

Reply to Tigger togs
Posted by: Woman | 2004/10/29


The reason you still want to stay with him is similar to using an old eye liner that keeps scratiching you but you still continue to use it???? Bad habits!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Tigger Togs | 2004/10/29

You guys are all 100% right, no I'm not ready. And I need to heal first and the good news is that I intend to. I'm not going to let him destroy me. Think it's just a rush of emotions with the move etc. Tired too. Need to get focussed again. I am not a rubbish and I am worth alot. I don't need a man to be whole. (But a delicious hunk would go down well right now - kidding)! I know, will let you know on Mon how it went. Just having a moan, thanks for indulging me.

Reply to Tigger Togs
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/29

There are men out there who will like you for being who you are, and not be overly concerned that you have two children.
You will find someone again, but for now, it is too soon. You need to establish yourself, spend time on your own reflecting on what you want out of life, and learning what it is to feel the free of the abuse you have dealt with.
Maybe some counselling will help you deal with it all more effectively.
With time you will start realising what a blessing this has been and you will find the love you want.
I have a great guy in my life who has accepted that my daughters and I are a package deal, you can find this too. But give yourself some time - don't rush into something.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Straycat | 2004/10/29

This guy sounds like a waste of your time. Your time will be better spent starting a new life ........ an new and exciting one !... I am sorry to hear he treated you badly...nobody deserves that kind of thing... spend time with people who want to be with you............

G.Bless

Reply to Straycat
Posted by: rain cloud | 2004/10/29

Well you will def find someone BUT you need to sort out your attitude as you seem way to negitive and that you def affect you...

You need to sort out your sourness and move on in life. You will not seem attractive to men if you are always moaning about how your ex treated you... but a woman who has gone through a tough time and has managed to turn her life around anf is happy will soon find happiness with the right man.

Remember that you dont need to find a replacement at this time, you need to sort feelings and your self out first!

Reply to rain cloud
Posted by: Tigger Togs | 2004/10/29

Kabous - plenty of guys? Yeah right! So were are they? No one is interested. Please don't tell me that story .... "when you look you don't find"... blah blah blah. Does that mean I must never like someone first? Well it doesn't help anyway, they never like you back. Who wants a divorcee with 2 kids?

Reply to Tigger Togs
Posted by: Kabous | 2004/10/29

Hi
Move and get it over you.Put it behind you and start a knew life.There are plenty outher great guys that will treat you like a lady.You never look back at the past,just look to the future.

Reply to Kabous
Posted by: Butterfly | 2004/10/29

Hey TT,
It's going to be hard to move on - but think about the way he treated you! You derserve better and the slut deserves him, because he is going to end up treating her the same at the end of the day.
Girl, I'm leaving him, not for another man, but for ME. He treated me badly and now it;s over. It's so over, it;s painful, yes, but it;s over! Move forward, upward and onward.
You are worth so much more than he treated you. It may be lonely for a bit, but PLEASE, look after yourself!!! Look ater yourself!!! And we are here to support you and hopefully keep you going. Leave the bad behind and go out there in the big wide world and go find the good you so richly deserve. It's exploration time and you;'re on an adventure.
Please maintain a positive outlook, and remember you are not alone, you're without him, but you're not alone.
I'll be thinking about you, moving into your new place - a new place, a whole new world!
Good luck good luck, go get the best!!!

Reply to Butterfly
Posted by: TW | 2004/10/29

Hey dont be so hard on yourself...
you have been through a tough time, there are going to be angry feelings...from what you say you should be feeling relief as he didnt sound like a loving husband to me.

Seriously now, as you prepare to move into your new place make it the start of your new life...going to be difficult but you can do this. Everytime you start thinking of him stop your self dont allow him to still hurt you when he isnt even there!

Once all moved in make a list of things/hobbie/places you want to see and when you start feeling hurt go visit that list and get out there and start enjoying life...there is so much happiness waiting for you perhaps a new man too...Start sorting out those feelings and soon you will look back and it will just be a memory.

God bless
:)

Reply to TW
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/29

It's always difficult letting go of something we have become accustomed to - even when it wasn't always a good time.
This is really a chance for you to start new. IT's not your fault at all, and this other woman is one day going to get the same treatment this guy has given you.
You now have a chance to create the life you deserve, and find someone who will treat you well and appreciate you as a person.
You are free to make your own choices, to do without porn, to make decisions without worrying about him. Keep focussing on the good things. Even though he left you and it is hurting you, you have been given the chance of new beginnings.
You're entitled to be angry at what has happened to you, but don't let that anger get to you too much. Cry if you need to cry - nothing wrong with that, but don't look back too much - look forward to a life of freedom.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: NM | 2004/10/29

Moving into a new place? Great!!! A brand new start!!!!!

Reply to NM

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