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Question
Posted by: erich | 2004/12/01

birthday 2day

Hi Cybershrink

It's my birthday today. I am 23 years old today. OK - so last night me and my friend Mike, we went out to drink a beer.

When we came home, my mother immediately smelled it, and I could see she was gonna be upset. (my mother hates it when anyone drinks alcohol)

So I had to drive her to this place, while Mike drove behind us. Jeeez - she was really upset with me for drinking a beer (I am on medication for anxiety and depression) - and my friend Mike is also on medication. I mean, i wasn't even drunk - maybe a little.

She made me feel guilty for having a bit of fun. Ok - we did have a beer a few nights ago too, and she was so upset about that - she asked me if i was going to become like my one brother - he drinks every night.

The thing is she was so cross with me - for having a beer- i mean God - it's my birthday today!!

I have a very dominating mother. Since i was small she dominated me and i still love her to bits - she just spoiled the evening for me.

I think the reason why I am gay is because I am so sick of having a woman dominate me and rule my life - i don't want to get married and have another "mother" telling me what to do.

I am planning on moving out (i still live with my folks) but i have a study loan to pay off - and that eats up all my cash.

Does anyone out there also have dominating mothers?????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, erich, to start with -- Happy Birthday !
OK, so your mom is over-reacting to the beer, maybe being over-ptorective ( annoying, but usually better than being under-protective and uncaring ). Maybe she is more agitated because of her problems and worries with your other brother who apparently drinks too much.
A beer or two for your birthday ought not to be harmful, though maybe best enjoyed at home rather than when you need to drive afterwards. Remember that with your medication, (a) you can get more drunk with one beer than someone else might get, as it interacts with the meds , and (b) regular drinking can reduce the antidepressant benefits of the drugs so that they don't work well.
I'm not sure about your theory about why you're gay, as the evidence is that it's wired into us from birth. And it wouldn't be better to be dominated and ruled by a man, either. It's the domination that's wriong, not the gender of the dominator or dominatrix ! Hope the study loan is soon worked off, enabling you to gain your independence !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/12/01

Well - Congrats on a another healthy year. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your reason you give for being gay - is that just an excuse because even men can be over motherly if I can put it that way.
Maybe try to see it from moms point " My one son drinks so much - there is probably nothing I can do to control or help the situation as he is a grown man - now my younger one is starting too - gosh he is on AD's as well - i do not want him going that way - what have I done? Where have I gone wrong as a parent?"
Believe it or not when kids do things that their parents do not want or when they expect better they question themselves and stress out on things that are not even prone to become a problem.
Parents worry and stress far more than we realise - I think it's not that she does not have any faith in you - she seems afraid it might lead to worse. ( Could be that she has obviously seen the effects and repurcussions - spelling? that alcohol has had on her loved ones)
JUst talk to her like an adult - re assure her that you are no longer a child and that if you are to make it in the real world she needs to trust you more and let go a little.
No need to hate on her - she is just after all doing her job.
Have a super day
Take care
Juz

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