Posted by: revolution | 2008/01/14

bipolar, think i'm loosing my mindI get

Last year I spent two weeks at a psychiatric clinic in Pretoria after beign diagnosed as bipolar. My psychologist thought it would be best for me to go there, as I was very self destructive. I blew over R100 000 in one year on gambling. I wanted to die. I was put on epilim 500mg and some other stuff but about 6months ago stopped using the meds. I feel like i am going crazy. I cannot control my moods,it feels like I go through 20 different moods a day. Sometimes I cry, other days I can't even shed one tear. I have feelings of guilt, self hatred, a low self esteem, I sometimes go without shaving for days and even skip showers, where as I use to be so concerned about my appearance, I now feel nothing.
I don't want to go back to the clinic. I am just so confused at scared. It really feels as if I am loosing my mind. I've been paranoid from a young age, I get anxious around lots of people,and I feel like a social misfit, also thinking that people are saying things about me, behind my back.Other days, I feel that I just dont wanna live anymore, and then on other days, it feels as if life is only starting and I start gambling again, and then I hit the bottom and get depressed again. How can I live my life in this way. I feel like a total failure and fear that my sexual promiscuity will eventually lead to my death.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear r,
Hmm. Did you stop taking the meds, and not tell your shrink, or also stop seeing the shrink ? THis sounds like the degree of problem one usually can't manage alone, but which ought to be remediable with the right sort of expert help. Clearly bad habits like the gambling and promiscuity risk your life and savings, so any expenditure towards fixing this would be well worth it. Being in a clinic might offer some safety when a person is potentially self-destructive, but doesn't often offer a great deal more than containment and some security. What matters is to see the best available local shrink for a thorough assessment and advice, and to get into proper treatment --- and from the sound of it, for you, this would probably need medication, caefully chosen and adjusted, AND psychotherapy of the CBT form. This can deal with the individual problems you mention, which must be very uncomfortable and unpleasant --- and when that core has been properly brought back under your control, you may well find no need for gambling or promiscuity.
But you MUST be seeing the best available shrink. And discussing and collaborating on serious treatment. You are no freak, and have no need to feell like one.
Mel, unless there is some rare organic disease at work here, and it doesn't at all sound like that, I would think psychotherapy might well be part of the solution --- why not suggest a second opinion, specifically from a good local CHILD psychiatrist or child psychologist ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2008/01/14

Revolution, if you were diagnosed bipolar, you would definitely need meds to help, perhaps the Dr can prescribe something else for you. You would need a mood stabiliser and perhaps an antidepressant as well. You must never stop your meds without your Drs knowledge.

You are not a freak! THere are many people who suffer from chemical imbalances, depression, bipolar, etc. its an illness just like diabetes is and it can be controlled and treated. You just need to get the correct medication combination thats right for you.
Thats why its important you contact your Dr asap and let him/her know how you are feeling and that you are no longer taking any meds. You will begin to feel better, don't give up hope, but you do need to co-operate here. If you feel its an emergency then get yourself off to a hospital and they can either hospitalise you or give you something just to tide you over the night until tomorrow when you can contact your Dr.

Why not give Lifeline a call now tel no above 0861 322 322, there is always someone there who can listen to you.

Wishing you all the best.

I am sure CS will reply to you tomorrow. This forum was closed for a while due to technical difficulties.

Reply to anon
Posted by: revolution | 2008/01/14

hi anon. i dont know if the meds was helping. maybe for a while yes.stopped taking it cause i felt like shit. i am just so tired of feeling like a freak.

Reply to revolution
Posted by: anon | 2008/01/14

Revolution was the medication helping you when you were on it. Why did you stop taking it. Have you been in contact with your own Psychiatrist. Do you still see your psychologist.

SOunds like you need to be on medication to help you out. If for any reason the medication you were on wasn't agreeing with you or you didn't feel well on it, you need to contact your Dr and tell him/her about it and perhaps change it. Suggest you contact your psychologist and continue the counselling.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Mel | 2008/01/14

Hi CS,

Please help this person because it feels as if this is my daughter who wrote this e-mail except she is in the clinic right now. I have also written to you last year. I spoke to her shrink on Friday and he did not impress me. I don't think he is capable of handling her. What must I do? He also say's she should not take her daughter for councilling at this stage. I need you to tell me that this is not a good thing for a 4½ yr old who does things like walk away from their home with a photo of mom & dad on their wedding day under her arm and say's to her father that her parents are not happy and never laugh. We took her on holiday with us at the end of Nov and when we laugh about funny things she say's like a 4 yr old normally does, she screams at us that this is not funny. I am confused because I actually don't know what to do anymore. My daughter is in the clinic until next Monday but after that I don't know if she will be able to get back on track. She say's she will but that is exactly what she said before. I know you told me we cannot do anything and it is up to her but I actually now need to know what I must do regarding my granddaughter. Her father wants to take her to a therapist and I'm in a catch 22 because of this.

Reply to Mel

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