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Question
Posted by: sandy | 2005/12/15

Big age difference in a marriage/relationship

Is there anyone out there in a marriage/relationship with a big age difference say 20 years.

Do you think it can or will work ?

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Our expert says:
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I have answered this question many tiems --- check the forum archives

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Our users say:
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/15

Well, I have experienced the good and the bad of age gaps. My mother and father had a 10 year difference and where very happy. My mother was younger. Myself, my husband is 7 years older and it is a very bad match. So I have always maintained that age is of no consequence. It is up to the two people in the relationship to make it work.

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Posted by: just me | 2005/12/15

Hi

both my parents second marriages have huge age differences 16 and 20 yrs and both have never been happier, in both cases the male is older.

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Posted by: X | 2005/12/15

I am 35 he is 58, teh age difference is 23 yrs, we have been together for 10 yrs. Its not about the age is about the common interests that you share, but most important its about that person looking after you and caring for you like no other person would. I find the older partner always goes out of his/her way to over compensate. Gauranteed no other partner will cherish you more or love you more than a prtner 20 yrs older than you. Every day they are aware of the age difference and they go out of their way to keep you and protect you, you will feel less loved with someone your own age, So if you want to be loved a big age difference is a plus. I feel like royalty every day, he always speaks highly of me and worships the ground I walk on. you dont get that after 10yrs.

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Posted by: Annouk | 2005/12/15

no relationship has a guarantee. i am 36 and my man is 24. i have never met anyone who makes me so happy and understands me so well. he has always had a thing for more mature women and believe me knows more about women than men older than him.

what makes two people get together is not age, it is a sharing of all things. age is a number in your head, it is a man made thing to keep you in check. do what you want, follow your heart and you may be surprised to find a secret alot of other people have realised. age means nothing.

Reply to Annouk
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/15

OLDIE has raised some very pertinent issues, namely that of physical compatibility, and that of one dying a lot sooner than the other.

ASH has mentioned her hubbies physical status, and one would think that he's going to live a long time, very active person etc. Not all people are like him, and he is one of the fortunate ones to be "young" for his age.

Anyone who gets involved in a relationship with a large age gap should consider both the above postings, because they highlight relaities that should seriously be considered when entering into a relatioship.

There is of course the differences in maturity and worldly knowledge. Some people dont mind this gap, others do. Just be sure that for the older person, being with someone young is not a novelty, that the relatoinship really is spiritually and mentally fulfilling. Thwe big concern fo rolder people is that their younger partners will greow up and eventually want to be with someone more their own age with whom they can relate to better. There is always a fear that the younger person will want to "live" a bit more, have that freedom back to live a lost youth.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Ash1 | 2005/12/15

My hubby just turned 51, i am 26 for the next 4 months. hehe. We dated for 4 years before tying the knot this year. I adore him. Age is very much a thing in your head, he is the youngest person i know. He is always open to new ideas, (he can teach me a thing or two abt all sorts of computer programmes), hes funny, he loves hip hop (its his fabvourite genre especially undergorud stuff), hes very active and kite surfs, skis and takes the local university students on hiking /mountain climbing trips because he knows the mountains very well.
He looks after his body, and he is focussed and humble.
It all really depends on compatibilty and if you are willing to communicate with each other openly and honestly. Has your partner learnt from his/her past, and can they put that to good use, and not cling onto it.
Then again I love my Fossil..

Reply to Ash1
Posted by: Oldie | 2005/12/15

I can tell you from a 14 year age difference, me being in my mid 50's now and hubby being younger.

Initially it was not a problem at all, but now when he wants to book up our weekends with boating and other such activities I just want to stay at home and chill for a bit. I work a hectic week and when it comes to the weekends its my time for a little r&r. He on the other hand is full of energy and occupies himself with his hobbies which means he spends most of his time out in the garage. I used to support him and spend the day out in the baking sun and noise (racing models is his hobby) but now Ive had enough of that and prefer my peace and quiet. Also when it comes to boating and such, I now struggle to get in and out and end up not looking forward to going.

I would say that that would be the main draw back in a relationship of this sort - different energy levels and physical capabilities. Sometimes he will spend the day chilling out with me under our thatch, but I end up feeling bad because I know I am holding him back because there are other things he would rather be doing.

Also something else to consider, although I know life is full of surprises is that the younger will spend a longer period as a widow than an average relationship. It is something you have to take into account and prepare for.

That said, this is my personal experience, not saying it will be the same for you. Hopefully just helping you make an informed choice.

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