Posted by: B | 2009/03/05


My BF and I have been toghether for four years now, and he gets hives every time any one mentiones the M word, he never got over his father cheating on his mother and then also some of the members in his family are divorced an some friends to, does that mean he is not into me, or can he really have a comitment issue, im the only girl his been with for so long... o and we live together im 29 and he' s 31.

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Our expert says:
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Hi B

He has a set of unhappy associations and experiences with the Marriage, what it implies and how it may possibly end. What he has learned so far is that cemented relationships are scary and, to his mind, possibly temporary. His Hives are cuased by anxiety, and he should seek some therapy as he has issues with trust (not of you), but possibly of marriage being a peramanet state.

Speak to him and ask him how he feels.


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Our users say:
Posted by: B | 2009/03/10

Thank you for your advise Sideways, it sometimes helps to get an outside' s persons view.

Reply to B
Posted by: sideways | 2009/03/10

It sounds to me like you are doing everything you can and it' s clear you love him very much. All you can do is try to talk calmly to him, tell him what you have told us and then see what he says. If possible try to persuade him to go see a psychologist individualy or otherwise suggest couples therapy. Start with an open and honest chat. Good luck

Reply to sideways
Posted by: B | 2009/03/09

Im not the tipe of women who will run around with other men behind his back, for that I love him way to much, I can understand where he comes from, and that' s my reason for not putting pressure on him, he is an absolute darling, he is everything one can want in a life partner, so how can I assist him in getting over his fears, even if it does not end up in marriage for the two of us, but can help him in future, I believe we have a steady healthy relationship in whole, so if there is any other ways for me to be more supportive of him I will do so gladly

Reply to B
Posted by: sideways | 2009/03/09

He' s probably petrified of ending up like his dad, cheating on his mom. He probably wants to make 100% sure that you are the one so he doesn' t end up doing the same to you and having to deal with all of that. The problem is that one can never be 100% sure about anything. He means well here, but is going to require some help in order to get over his fears.

Reply to sideways

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