Posted by: shoulder to cry on | 2009/01/26

Best friends fiance just left her

My best friends fiance has just told her he doesnt want to marry her. They have been together for 3 years, engaged for 1 year.

He has had two relationships where he was engaged to girls and left them when he found out they were pregnant - luckily my friend wasnt pregnant but she did just move up to JHB with him less than a week ago and he just dropped the bomb on her now saying he loves her but doesnt want to marry her or have kids with her. He wants to marry one day - but not marry her. So why have her move all of her stuff to JHB and come up there? Why not do it before then? (He moved up first)

I met this guy through friends and they tried to get us together but we just didnt hit it off, I introduced him to my friend and they hit it off imediately - then she told me about his past and I told her to be careful - since then our friendship pretty much ceased to exist for her and she was very angry with me and didnt like us haning out together because he and I were together 1st.

I am absolutely fuming with him (or should I say with his behaviour) and I am very concerned about her - this is her very 1st relationship and she is devestated - feeling like it is the end of the world and she is all alone up there in JHB. Her parents have offered to pay for her to fly back immediately and I told her to do it - She cant be there alone.

I really want to be there for her but I am not sure what to say - I dont want to come down on him because I might look petty and if they do get back together then our relationship will be very awkward! Our relationship is already strained, what can I do and say to help her through this without straining it further?

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Our expert says:
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He sounds like a disreputable, selfish and unreliable guy she is very well rid of. Why did she assume this heel wouldn't do to her what he has done to several other women before her ? Sounds like she was wildly unrealistic in her expectations, and when she works through all this experience ( maybe best with the help of a proper counsellor ) she will be wiser and more ready for more mature relationships. There is noting whatever petty in your criticising someone who behaved so selfishly and unkindly. She's lucky he didnt make her pregnant before dumping her, as seems to be his usual pattern.
What you can most usefully do for her, is to listen.

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Our users say:
Posted by: -:) | 2009/01/26

The best thing you can do for your friend is to be with her, spend time with her and listen. If you cant, then let her fly back home, she needs company, a break up is never an easy thing, you always wonder what you did wrong which depresses you even more. You should not say or mention anything to the ex fiance, am sure he has his reasons but its not your problem.

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