Posted by: Buffs | 2004/10/12

being taken for granted

we have 2 people and a baby staying with us in our tiny 4 room house. they are both in there early 20's like myself and my hubby and they have a 5 month old baby. I found the father a job and they have been living with us for about 3 weeks now. the mother sits home all day while the rest of us work and watches TV. she doesnt do anything at all but eat my food and run up my electricity bill. I have been feeding the 4 of us since they came to live with us and have bought baby food on more than one occasion. this baby was unplanned. my husband and i dont have any children and we dont have one for alot of good reasons the main one being that babys need alot of love attention and money.

i have spent thousands of rands on food so far and im starting to feel taken for granted. they dont have a car but i do. my hubby has a motor bike so my car is the only one so im like a taxi a FREE taxi. they dont even ask any more they just assume its what im here for.

im starting to feel like we cant help them any more as they dont want to help themselves. i cook all the meals and they dont even thank me. they arnt looking for a place of thier own to stay and my landlady wants them out by the 25th, my house is too small for 5 of us. I feel so bad cos i cant help them anymore than i already am but whatever i dont do for them affects the baby! and its not the babys fault it didnt ask to be born.

Im sturggeling financially and they cant even help.

last weekend he borrowed my brotehr in laws car to go to work and this morning he wanted to take it back so he goes to start it and its out of petrol so i took him to the petrol station where he got 4 litres of petrol when the attendant said it was 20 summing rand he looked at me so i said "how much do you have?" he says "nothing". so he just assumed that i must pay it!!

my hubby doesnt think we are being taken for granted but really now doesnt this sound like being taken for granted to you??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Buffs,
Sure does sound as if they're taking you for granted. The lazy wife ought at the very least to have been doing most of the cooking and housework. have a frank session with them, making it clear that this episode has placed a very large financial burden on you which you can ill-affird, and that your landlady has insisted that they leave by the 25th, so they will have to urgently make alternate plans, and ask what they're doing about this ? Emphasize that you could lose your own lease, if they don't move on.
if your hubby doesn't think this is being taken for granted --- what does he think it would look like if they WERE taking you for granted ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/12

Hi Buffs,

I don't think there is a need to be deceitful at all. As you said, the landlady wants them out by the 25th so take that exact message to them.
If you feel the need to explain, then tell them that you were eager to help them at first, but you don't think it's working out very well at the moment as you don't have your privacy anymore. He has a job now so they must make an effort to get on their own feet. You cannot afford to support them for much longer or you may be looking for a place yourself.
I do feel you are being taken for granted, but I find myself wondering why your husband doesn't think so...

Good luck,

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Jenna | 2004/10/12

I don't enjoy being deceitful, but I have to agree with 'Mindful' on this one. It seems that these people cannot think for themselves that they need to help, and are just enjoying the free ride. I have seen this happen before and these people need to go, you have helped them long enough. Good luck Buffs, hope you sort this one out.

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/12

Aw Buffs, it's terrible that you have to put up with such ungrateful spongers! And being the nice person you are, I can imagine how bad you feel about having to ask them to leave. And that's never easy. Perhaps tell them a white lie and say that the landlord has written you a letter saying that you are sub-letting illegally or something like that, and they have to be off the property by the end of the week. Type a fake letter at work and leave it lying on the table...and if they don't see it, perhaps mention it over supper? Lots of luck!

Reply to Mindful
Posted by: LIZ | 2004/10/12


You are a good person trying to help, but these people are taking advantage of you. Tell them that they should start looking for a place to stay.

Reply to LIZ

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