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Question
Posted by: Liza | 2004/11/18

Being sneaky

Last weekend my children told me about this lovely lady they go to who lets them play games with her, lets them draw pictures and gave them each a colouring book. This was on the way to my sister's house where they recognised the road where they turned down to get there. So I decided to turn down the same road and go and have a look. Just as I surmised, it was a clinical psychologist. Now why is my husband keeping this information from me? I've asked him numerous times in the past to take them, to which he always replied he did not have enough money and that his medical aid did not pay. So I eventually let the subject go. So my question is this: Is he secretely trying to gain ammunition in an unfit mother case where I would only be able to see the kids with supervision?

So now my strategy. Made an appointment with the same psychologist (since my psychiatrist says that I need one). My goals are a.) to improve my relationship with my kids since she will know what is bothering them. b.) to resolve all the other issues (like the robbery) I have in my life. c.) To find out what my ex-husband is really up to.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but 1. the kids nanny did overhear a conversation between xh and his sister where he said he wanted to take the children away from me.
2. When I called then and spoke to her husband, he didn't deny it and instead told me that they would like to hear my side of the story.
3. Now the psychologist thing.

Would my being a patient of the same psychologist be a conflict of interest for her? I don't want to make trouble here, I would just like to know exactly what is going on. At least my xh is now telling me about school events etc. after we had a huge fight about it. Him saying that I'm not interested in the childrens' lives, my point being that since I never get told about the highlights (and I do talk to my children, but for some reason they never want to tell me about stuff from school) I cannot go to these types of events. Now I at least know that my oldest is playing piano in a competition on Saturday (which I will naturally attend - I'm very proud of him playing the piano). And that the school end-of-year concert is on the 1st of December - something else I will be attending even with the distances involved. (After getting custody of the children he moved almost all the way to Brits where we lived in Pretoria previously.)

And another question - am I allowed to request a report of the findings from the psychologist in question - since I am their mother?

Sorry for the long letter.

Liza

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Liza,
Lord knows what your husband is up to, if he's devious enough to have lied to you about taking the kids to a psychologist in the first place. NOW, if you are going to see the same psychologist ( she might consider it a conflict of interest when she discovers the connection ; as she would have a problem if he asked for information in regard to the children, to NOT use information she gained from seeing you in your own right ). If she accepts you, she could help with a and b, but maybe not c.
And it may actually be a legal question as to whether you as one of the parents and with shared custody, have a right to see any report on the kids, made by the psychologist --- maybe ask the lawyer who handled the divorce ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Dude | 2004/11/18

aye... would recommend yous borrow your x a swift kick in da batty and send me runnin back westside to is mommy wiv a dildo and some ky

Reply to Dude
Posted by: lulu | 2004/11/18

Liza, I took my boys to see a psychologist after they started refusing to go visit their dad. His new g/f has a daughter and as it turned out, this child was bullying my two to an extend that they didn't want to see their dad anymore.

After explaining my reasons for wanting her to evaluate my kids to the doctor, she promptly told me that she will give me a professional evaluation of their well being, but she will not testify in any court or give me any reports that could be used in a custody case. She even insisted on getting a letter from him giving her permission to see the kids so that she could be sure he knew about it from the start.

I wouldn't worry about it being used as "ammunition" against you. I would definitly speak to a lawyer about it though, and as soon as possible too.

Good luck!

Reply to lulu

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