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Question
Posted by: Outed | 2006/04/15

being outed

I recently ended a relationship with a young woman. The relationship ended every bad.
The problem now is that she wants to go to my school and tel everybody that they have a lesbian prefect.
I am a prefect and in a first team at the school.
Can the school kick my out of anything? Can I lose my prefectship and my posision in the team?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Outed, welcome to our forum and thanks for posting here. This sounds like a very stressful situation for you.

She could out you as being lesbian but at the same time she'll be outing herself as a nasty, malicious, highly manipulative and twisted individual without any morals or sense of decency. There's nothing wrong with being lesbian but there sure is a lot wrong with an individual who wants to out someone at her school. Her behaviour is tantamount to blackmail.

I suppose your school could react in any way they choose, depending on the culture of that particular school, but if they even attempted to stop you from being a prefect, tried to block you from being in the team or discriminated against you in any possible manner they'd be breaking the law and acting in defiance of the constitution. You could report the matter to the education department and gay organisations would most definitely challenge your school which would be publicly humiliated. Don't allow yourself to become a victim of discrimination on the grounds of your sexual orientation, and stand up for your rights. Remember that there are likely to be many other gay and lesbian people at your school - learners, educators, even gay parents. If you have a close and trusting relationship with one teacher you may want to discuss this with them so that they can support you if anything happens.

However, this could obviously be very stressful for you and I hope you're not trying to deal with this on your own. Your parents should be supporting you - have you come out to them? Are they aware of any of this? Are any of your closest friends aware of this and are they supporting you? You can discuss this with someone at Triangle Project, the largest gay and lesbian organisation in South Africa (call 021-448 3812 during office hours or email clinic@triangle.org.za) or you can call their Gay & Lesbian Helpline (021-4 222 500) any day between 1pm and 9pm - simply leave a name and a number and the counsellor on duty will call you back. This service is available every day, including the Easter weekend.

Hopefully this will blow over and the young woman who's making these threats will see some sense. She sounds like trouble so stay away from her.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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