Posted by: Stacey | 2007/04/18

Battling to move on

Hi CS,

I was involved with a very emotionally abusive guy for about 4 years.. lived with him,, and i was ready to marry him and have 1000 kids with the guy...
Right in the beginning, he started treating me really badly.. lying.. dissappearing.. getting drunk.. and i took him back 100's of times..
I eventually started having panic attacks.. at night when i was waiting for him to come home.. and he just never pitched so many times.. The panic started getting very bad.. to the point where i quit my job, and relied on him for EVERYTHING. I couldnt go to the shops without an attack.. or even drive with anyone in the car...
Anyway.. i moved out about 8 months ago.. The anxiety is a little better.. still cant drive with ppl in a car for fear of the silliest nature.. or drive far from home. I have however purchased a book xplaining how to eleviate panic, and i must say its a very simple technique. Its all the way we think. i never saw a shrink about it tho... dont find it nessecary. This book explains it all perfectly.
My issues now are, other guys that like me..Im too scared to get too close with them. And im afraid i could be pushing some really awesome blokes away. Aswell as they dont know about my anxiety, and so i cant go out with them far etc.. i dont know what to do or how to not be afraid of getting to close to someone again.. My father says that it makes life so much harder for anyone coz im too scared to drive.. and that its silly and not normal.. (poor guy thinks i should be hospitalised he has never heard of anxiety disorders before...) anyway..
Pls assist???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Congratulation on moving out. Call POWA for advice, and see a personal counsellor to complete your liberation. I don't know which book you have found so usefl, but it sounds similar to a CBT technique --- well done there. But a shrink could help you to lose the fears that are still preventing you from driving, and the fear of gettin close to tohers. You've made brae and good moves towards the freedom and happiness you deserve --- now get a shrink's help and complete that process.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: RMC | 2007/04/19

m,mmm, I think you should see a real shrink for CBT. If the book was such a great help it would have fixed you 100%

No man (or woman) is an island. Nothing wrong with asking someone for help.

Reply to RMC
Posted by: rose | 2007/04/18

hi stacey

im so glad you were able to break free from this relationship!! reading between the lines, it sounds like you are doing quite ok after the whole ordeal.

although you say you dont find it necessary to see someone, i think this is indeed what you need.

your ex left you with a disturbing sense of 'self'. understandably, he had a tremendous negative influence on your self esteem&worth.

i believe that, although it might be helpful, self help books should not be the primary resource in psychological dilemmas.

the 'plus' of the 'shrink-patient' relationship is that he/she remains an objective source of help, theory, knowledge, implementation and of course experience. if it's only you and a self help book, it remains subjective and you might disregard certain significancies.

although i think your anxiety influences your 'willingness' to be open to the possibility of a new partner, i also feel your reluctance is a result of your emotionally abusive ex, whether you are suffering from anxiety or not.

let's see what CS thinks, but if i was to give you advise, i would strongly recommend therapy to rebuild your SELF.

all of the best!

Reply to rose

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